Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Corporate Sponsorship

Let’s face it Sexy Followers and Sexy Professors we live in a corporate republic. Corporations and special interests pick who will represent them best, not the people. So with that in mind I’d like to offer up an idea. Let’s just come clean with it and find corporate sponsors for specific elections. I’d like to announce that I your Phineas D. Whoopee am looking to be elected to SOMETHING and am in search of a corporate sponsor. I have a few ideas of a good “synergy” for me and my corporate sponsor’s slogans.

McDonalds the leader in toppling those vile evil communist regimes would be a perfect candidate to sponsor my run for political office. We both are well accepted world wide and both jam worthless crap down the throats of people:

“Phineas D. Whoopee for Senator. He’s as delicious and good for you and the economy as a Big Mac. McDonalds and Whoopee Love to see you smile. “

Camel Cigarettes is another great sponsor because they haven’t been able to sell to kids with their cartoon character Joe but now with a Bush Whitehouse corporate responsibility is at an all time low:

“Phineas D. Whoopee and Joe Camel two smooth dudes.”

We Sexy Professors enjoy a drink and then and again and again so it would seem like the perfect match to match my run for office with a distillery.

Original: “Absolut Insert some witty wording”

Whoopee-ized “Absolut Whoopee.”

Exxon. We know our current administration is bought and sold by big oil I want in on that too. If you are worried about the Whoopee name being soiled by be associated with Exxon keep in mind that we’re pretty sure that everything that is wrong with the world is Bill Clinton’s fault (Just listen to Ari Fleischer, Scott McClelan, Tony Snow and Faux News) so don't worry about it.

Original: “A tiger in your tank.”

Whoopee-ized “Put some Whoopee in your tank.”

American Express. What better company to be associated with in these jingoistic times. When you got American in your name and a nice lil’ American flag you are above reproach.

American Express: “Don’t leave home with out it.”

Whoopee-ized: “Phineas D. Whoopee, don’t leave the ballot box without him.”

United Dairy Producers just want you to have strong teeth and bones while they reap loads of dough off of their hormone induced milk products. Kind of like your good ole Sexy Professor.

Original: “Got Milk?”

Whoopee-ized: “Got Whoopee?”

In the Sexy Professors era of good times and smiling politics, communication will be the key to keeping it real so who better to sponsor my campaign than AT&T?

Original: “Reach out and touch someone.”

Whoopee-ized: “Reach out and touch Phineas D. Whoopee...right there yeah!”

UPS has made a name for itself with great delivery and big brown trucks. If elected I plan to deliver results and those results will be big brown trucks driving around with drunk chicks.

Original: “Moving at the speed of business.”

Whoopee-ized: “Moving at the speed of Whoopee.”

While I spent time in Ireland I lived on a diet of Guinness and Guinness hasn’t really created much of a market for itself here in the states. Well that will soon change when they sign onto the unstoppable force that is Phineas D. Whoopee’s political career.

Original: “Guinness is good.”


Whoopee-ized: “Whoopee is good.” or "Sexy is good."

Nothing is more American than a Coke and world domination and under my reign that is what you’ll see more of, people chugging coke (not snorting it you GW Bush people) and world domination in the name of “free” enterprise.

Original: “Have Coke and a smile.”

“Coke is it.”

Whoopee-ized: “Have a Whoopee and a smile.”

“Whoopee is it.”

BMW may be Bavarian MotorWerks but that doesn’t mean I can’t be sponsored by them. Hell some major Taiwan corps paid for Bush Jr.

Original: “The Ultimate Driving Machine.”

Whoopee-ized: “The Ultimate Voting machine.” ooooo! or "The Ultimate Sexy Machine!"

Nike and sweatshops go hand in hand and I'd like to hold hands with that "bidness".

Original: “Just do it.”

Whoopee-ized: “Just do Phineas D. Whoopee.”

In these trying times of losing jobs and retirement funds what better way to wash the pain and misery away than with a cold Budweiser and voting for Phineas D. Whoopee.

Original: “The King of Beers.”

Whoopee-ized: “The King of Kings.” Oops no wait. “The King of Sexy.”

Trojan condoms may be sinful (wink) and promote all sorts of deviant behavior it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t take their money.

“Phineas D. Whoopee and Trojan, you’ll wish he had one on when he’s done with the nation.”

Enron. What can I say they paid for all our tickets to Bush Pt II:

“Enron, like Phineas D. Whoopee’s political career, we ain’t dead yet!”

GW Bush Inc. This is the team that said during the campaign that they were going to go into the White House and run it like big business because those guys were on the ball.

I guess they really did because both big business and the White House have been wracked with scandals and have ruined America.

“GW Bush and Phineas D. Whoopee looking out for the rich guy.”

Want to know who’s picking your “elected” officials.


There you have it. Don't worry the next part of the Sexy Professors Show will be coming soon.



~Phineas

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