Wednesday, May 17, 2006

More fun with the sexy professors

I thought we all might have some sexy fun if we sent this letter to various cemetaries in our towns.


Insert

Your

Address

Insert

Local

Cemetery

Address

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to you with a problem. But let me start this letter out on congratulating you and your cemetery. When ever I think of a great place to rot away I think of insert local cemetery name here. I have yet to hear of one complaint about your cemetery, so far no stories of misplacing bodies or zombie’s looking for brains fiascos. In fact I think that might be a good idea, kind of like the McDonalds Billions Served You could have a sign out with 0 Zombie Attacks I know for a fact that when people look to lay their loved ones to rest they look to see if that loved one might return to chomp on their brain. You can use that idea free of charge.

So let’s get to the reason I’m writing this letter to you. I have recently looked at a house to purchase and it turns out that the house is located next to your cemetery. Now I’m not one to fall for superstitions but this one happens to be true. I was told that if you didn’t hold your breath while you were around, driving by or near a cemetery the inhabitants of the cemetery would haunt you. Not zombies but ghosts so the sign could still apply. Like I said the only way to fend off these “hauntings” would be to hold your breath. This leads me to my problem. If I purchase this house I will have to hold my breath all the time I’m in my house. Now I don’t know about you but I spend a lot of time in my house so that could lead to some problems. Now not only have I heard that your cemetery is zombie free but I have heard that you are by far the nicest cemetery in town so I’m sure you’ll want to help me with my problem. I really do not want to suffocate because of holding my breath. Nor would I want to go unconscious and fall upon one of my large collections of spiked bowling balls I like to place all over the floor of my place of residence. Nor would I want to be haunted by ghost of any kind.

So here is what I propose to you. I suggest that you dig up all the bodies and move your cemetery to another part of the town. This way I can purchase the home and not worry about suffocating, blacking out and falling on one of my spiked bowling balls or having ghosts haunt my house because I didn’t hold my breath. I understand that this might be troublesome and timely but if you are willing I would be happy to wait a week or two before moving into the house.

I thank you for your kind attention and look forward to hearing from you in the future.

Yours truly,

Insert your name here



~Phineas

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