Friday, June 30, 2006

The Machine is Churning

Your pal Phineas here again. Just thought I'd let you non-entities know that I have a registered domain name now. So now all I have to do is start assembling the website and I'll have that baby launched.

Sexy Police Officers

I, Phineas D. Whoopee, intiated the Sexy Professors by joking around that all the television shows out there deal with lawyers, doctors and or police officers. There is no representation of any other type of job which tells me a few things: (1)Television writers are hacks because if you're a good writer you can make anything "sexy" you just need to put your mind to it; (2) television producers are hacks because they assume those careers are the only ones of real interest; (3) viewers are brainwashed into believing those are the only careers worth watching; (4) I'm a fackin' genius because I could write (if i took the time out and got off my lazy ass) a show about sexy professors that would be both sexy and about a career that writers, producers, and viewers would not ordinarily think is a good concept (end the sarcasm about being a genius). So I made the joke about the Sexy Professors to my fellow Sexy Professors while at conference and they loved the idea. So this blog was born and boy oh boy was that a stillbirth. Any way it turns out that police officers are pretty stupid sexy.

A Hugo police officer has been terminated from his position. Hugo city officials say that a citizen took this picture of the police officer engaging in activities in his police vehicle.

You see the Sexy Professors would really work out because we wouldn't be as freakin' stupid as that cop because we wouldn't compromise our ethics in that way and we'd know better than to DO IT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!


Again with the net neutrality

This goes out to all you non-entities out there, you non-entities who actually read this blog. Here is a lil' video to describe net neutrality and why it is so very important.

And..oh yeah...when you get to the part about Vonage phone service and they say one day you are using Vonage and its static-ie or just not working, I have Vonage that is what happens almost all the damn time. If it wasn't so freakin' cheap for what you get I'd dump that garbage.

Woo hoo hooo hoo hoo


Wednesday, June 28, 2006

...and knowing is half the battle

Ever wonder what kind of plans al Qaeda had/has for their war on the west? Now you can know with Stealing al-Qai'da's Playbook or you can learn about them through their Management of Savagery. I suggest both.


A totally new perspective

I'm not sure if many of you remember Oran "Juice" Jones' one hit wonder song The Rain. I sure do. What I don't remember is how abusive and insane it is. Sure it's crappy 80s pop but around 2:20 Da Juice goes into this crazy ass rant where he talks about stalking his girlfriend, wanting to kill her and her man she was stepping out on him with, and then finishes it up by telling her he's taken away all her possessions. What's the most confusing part about the song/video is he tells her to grab her coat and get the F outta there, then as she leaves he tells her to not touch the coat.

Oh well you can watch it for yourself. It's so wonderfully insane!


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Rush Limbaugh...SEX TOURIST!

So what was Rush doing in the dominican republic with a bottle of Viagra? It almost sounds like the beginning of a joke. It would be totally unethical for us to assume what he was doing in a place that is known for its sex trade. But then again this is Rush Limbaugh who has built his career on tearing people down with innuendo and bluster so I have absolutely no qualms with joining others on wondering if Rush + Viagra + a known Sex Tourism Destination = Rush gettin' his freak on.

The Paragon of Republican Virtue indeed. Speaking of that I thought Rush and the majority of Rush Limbaugh supporters believed in abstinence outside of marriage. How do they explain ole Rush Limp-augh with viagra and not married?

~ Phineas

Monday, June 26, 2006

It's HARD being "right" all the time

WEST PALM BEACH Sources have confirmed to CBS4 News that conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has been detained at Palm Beach International Airport for the possible possession of illegal prescription drugs Monday evening.

Limbaugh was returning on a flight from the Dominican Republic when officials found the drugs, among them Viagra.

Sorry for the typed laughter but MUA HA HA HA HA! Viagra! BWA HA HA HA!


Only In New Orleans

Having spent a good amount of time in New Orleans I can honestly say "Only in New Orleans!"

"Davis said it wasn't supposed to be like this. They survived Hurricane Katrina's Category 3 winds and the ensuing looters. They reopened despite the long odds of doing business in a devastated city. The last thing the Magazine Street shop owners expected to threaten their survival was a crime ring of transvestites....

The transvestites first appeared in March when they raided Magazine Street like a marauding army of kleptomaniacal showgirls, said Davis, using clockwork precision and brute force to satisfy high-end boutique needs."

Well maybe Hollywood.


Clown Coitus

And now for the weirdest research I've pretty much ever heard of:

Sending in the clowns can significantly increase the chances that fertility treatment will be a success, Israeli researchers have found.

The team looked at women undergoing embryo transfers, where an IVF embryo is put into the womb.

Just over a third of women entertained by a clown conceived, compared to 19% of a group who were not, a European fertility conference heard.

Most hypotheses come from an observation. What the fuck was going on for this study to be conducted? Secret underground clown orgies?

Dr Friedler, who attended a movement and mime school in France before he entered the medical profession, said he knew fertility patients became stressed - and that laughter could reduce stress.

Could you ever trust a doctor who went to Mime school? Or one who thinks clowns create laughter instead of fear, anger, and shame?


The White House has Sex on its mind

New White House chief domestic policy adviser Karl Zinsmeister had these things to say in an interview:

As Zinsmeister sees it, racial profiling by the police makes sense; the military, if anything, treats terrorist suspects too gently; and casual sex has led to wrecked cities, violence and 'endless human misery.' In a 'soft, often amoral, and self-indulgent age,' he warned, some children 'will be ruined without a whip hand,' and he assured that 'things generally go better with God.' . . .

Things just go better with god? Is he talking about toast? Toast just goes better with god? Or Chocolate? You got chocolate in my god! You got god in my chocolate? Things generally go better with God. Weird.

But what really sends this guy into Looney Orbit is:

About sex, he tells Wattenberg: "It's something -- it's intense; it's fire. It drives people to insanity. . . . People fall in love with prostitutes. People kill prostitutes. All kinds of things happen in the heat of sexual passion, so my point is because it's fire it needs to be governed and treated with respect and treated carefully."

People tend to speak from personal experience. What is this guy hiding. Certainty I can't mean that people fall in love with PROSTITUTES? Have you seen them?


Sunday, June 25, 2006

"When I see pickles i want to scream and run away"

Ok I've been really bad with posting more videos on here when I said I'd cut back. You have to understand these NEED to be sent out for more and more people to see.

This baby here is wicked cool. When the young girl describes how pickles have ruined her life you know you HAVE to share it with as many people as possible.

I am so going to capture that description of how pickles ruined her life into a wav and put it in a mix.


Those damn helicopters pt 2

I think I want to show that to my students when I teach public speaking again and suggest they do a speech much like that. Bonus points if they can refer to someone as "Lemon-headed".


Those damn helicopters

More on the conspiracy tip.

I don't know what to say about this but god bless 'merica and our free speech.



Hello Skynet

Researchers from IBM Corp. and the Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta have developed the first silicon-based chip capable of operating at frequencies above 500 GHz -- 500 billion cycles per second -- by cryogenically freezing the chip to 451 degrees below zero Fahrenheit (4.5 Kelvins)...


At these speeds, Enderle told eChannelLine, and with the proper programming and software, there is hardware potential to create large, and scale highly accurate (virtually perfect) artificial reality and artificial intelligence that could, in many ways, exceed what humans are capable of.

I'm looking forward to hearing more about this accomplishment so as I can be one of the first to welcome our robot overlords.


"You know the gang and government are no different..."

I'm a big fan of the conspiracy theory. I'm not a fan because I believe them, though I'm sure there is some truth to some of them but not on the level they are proposed. I'm a fan of them because they are modern all powerful force directing our actions for their pleasure and power. Here is a perfect example of that kind of thinking.


Friday, June 23, 2006

This is the state I'm in

I can't wait to get out of this state especially when you have these items in the same news story.

Sheriff's deputies in Bienville Parish spent much of today investigating a long-haul truck driver who said he found his elderly mother dead in the cab of his rig but drove more than 50 miles before calling authorities.

The dead woman, Viola Adams, had minor scratches on her legs and buttocks, investigators said.

and he's from mississippi

The man told investigators he found his mother dead in Springhill about 6:30 a.m. and alerted his bosses in Mississippi.

If ya think i'm sexy

There is a website that will scan you blog for the most words used in your blog.

As you can see I think I've said whore enough to make it in the word cloud. Ha ha! I didn't realize I wrote it that much.

While I was genertaing the word cloud I wanted to see where our blog ranked on Google and I found out there is a Sexy Professors Dot Com. (NSFW)


Thursday, June 22, 2006

Feel the burn

Just finished up the first draft of my prospectus yesterday. That is the infant to my fully grown dissertation so I'm a bit burned out on thinking and writing.

So for my adoring masses I have broken my promise to not post so many youtube shit. I decided to break this promise because what I would like you to watch is very important, it isn't just Chuck Norris karate commando.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Katrina and the Waves

Before and after photos in Katrina effected areas.

And for anyone who gets upset for the flippant title to the Katrina Effect as someone who sat through that damn thing I have every right to make a joke about so suck on that.


Grandfather of the Year award

And the Pappy award goes to...Harold Wellsted


the grandfather then pushed the girl toward the elk to take a picture. She began to cry when one elk reared up.


58-year-old woman yelled at Wellsted, which allegedly prompted him to hit her. The suspect also knocked down the woman's 82-year-old father, who had been using a walker.

Congratulations Harold Wellsted!


Monday, June 19, 2006

A reason to use Ape McGape

Flash Gordon (1980) is a swashbuckling two hours of good against evil. It's even more amusing for the many tongue-in-cheek references to the Illuminati and the New World Order. Once initiated, it is hard to watch a movie or t.v. programme without noticing them. Most of the time it is covert propaganda, designed to acclimate and pacify. On rare occasions, it provides a genuine warning of sinister agendas. But in the case of Flash Gordon, it seems that the higher-ups in the entertainment business are parodying the puppet-masters pulling our strings.

I'm going to try to come back and comment on this analysis but I had to post it right away because it is totally Ape McGape


The Kill Ann Coulter Contest

This is a bit old but should be viewed.

Scroll down a bit to the The Kill Ann Coulter Contest


Here it comes...

"...across the nation, college administrators are struggling with what they say is a growing phenomenon, a product of the unique relationship between many boomer parents and their millennial-generation children.

Administrators say they know these parents mean well. But their frequent phone calls and unreasonable demands stunt student development and test the patience of college officials."

This phenomena didn't start with these millenials it started when people started to conceive of a university as a business (bidness) rather than an institute of higher education. When people start labeling the university as a bidness they get this mentality, as does administration, that the student is a consumer and as a consumer they are always right even when they are wrong.
So it isn't just "overprivileged brats" its the business mentality.

Case in point:

But Boyle, of College Parents of America, thinks concerns about helicopter parents are "overblown."

"It's better than the alternative, them not being involved at all," he says. "In every generation of parents, there are those that get too involved. I think it's a small percentage of parents who do things like try to personally intervene in a roommate dispute."

He says "smart schools" accept that parental involvement is higher with the millennial generation and respond by "catering to the parents."

"They are paying a large part of the tuition bill, and it's just good customer service," he says.

GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE? Sorry Boyle this is not a business this is higher education.

A lesson in poor reporting

The article went on to report:

"They saw their youngsters as "special," and they sheltered them. Parents outfitted their cars with Baby on Board stickers. They insisted their children wear bicycle helmets, knee pads and elbow guards. They scheduled children's every hour with organized extracurricular activities. They led the PTA and developed best-friend-like relationships with their children, says Mastrodicasa, co-author of a book on millennials."

This assumes that all parents of children who go to college have the means and time to do all those activities. I have news for the news reporter that not all students who get to college have parents who do all those things and yet they can be just as over protective perhaps more. At one university I taught, most of the students were first generation university students. Their parents were just as protective because they were "spending their hard earned cash to send their kid to the 'school'". Many of those people both parents worked jobs and didn't necessarily force their kids to wear helmets or organize extracurricular activities, how could they they were too busy putting food on the table (or as Bush would say "putting food on their family"). So when the reporter talks about how those people are the overprotective types they are overgeneralizing and being a bit culturally insensitive.

Though I agree that parents are overly cautious with their kids today I wouldn't say I totally agree with the articles title.

Mommy, tell my professor he's not nice!

That's what rate my professor is for.


Friday, June 16, 2006

The Enthymeme

When you next hear a republican mention "a plan for victory" in Iraq your sexy professor pal Phineas (I'm not sure about the other two perhaps they will agree with me) wants you to think about it. I mean really think about it. Did that republican actually offer up a "plan" or just say "a plan for victory". Because if they did not offer up a plan they are allowing you to interject your own premise for victory. It's a rhetorical device and it is what Aristotle thought to be his most important contribution to society; the enthymeme.

When a republican says "a plan for victory" they aren't going to give you their plan "We will kill as many people as possible and win all that juicy oil" they are allowing you to just add what every you want into that "plan". It works to their advantage because now you've created the belief they have a plan when in actuallity they don't have any plan at all. I mean have they had a plan at all this whole time other than we're going to be greets as liberators and showered with chocolate and roses? No they have been winging it the whole time what makes you think they have any plan at all?

So when the midterm elections heat up remember think critically (and not with just republicans but with democrats too they are both the powers of the status quo).


Helium filled people

I think it is a noble cause for people to cling to the helium filled people so as they don't float away and get hit by a plane or worse a hydrogen filled zeppelin.

Here is the perfect example. On one of my trips to the fanastic land of Wal-Mart (for my weekly purchasing of plastic items, charcoal, and fine jewelry) I had the privilege to be stuck behind one of these heroes holding down a helium filled person.

At first I thought he had put this young lady in a headlock and was going to choke her out like Estelle Getty does to bears and giant apes. However, I noticed he never let go of her as they perused all the fantastic items sold by Wal-Mart.

Notice the large asses all over the place


Attention Whore Anthrax Coulter

I thought it people get investigated for suggesting someone kill an elected official. Perhaps I'm wrong or maybe it's just the president. I know for a fact someone I know was visited by the FBI when he made an offhanded comment like that. Now we have that attention whore/whore galore Anthrax Coulter suggesting we frag an elected official.

In an email interview with John Hawkins at the Right Wing News web site, Coulter was asked, among other things, to offer short comments on several individuals. After harmlessly dismissing former Ambassador Joseph Wilson as the "World's most intensely private exhibitionist," she said of Rep. John Murtha, the hawkish ex-Marine and now antiwar congressman: "The reason soldiers invented 'fragging.'"

Ann is the reason people invented beating someone to death with a sack of oranges.


The thetans are coming!

Apparently You're the man now dog had put up some stuff mocking Scientology and of course the "church" sent cease and desist letters (which all non-profit tax exempt organizations are allowed to do...) so instead of backing down to the juggernaut of evil they did what everyone should do when faced with this cult; they fought back.

Instead of the usual top YTMND sites they have a list for Scientology.


Thursday, June 15, 2006

How to cheat and not treat your sexy professor like a bozo

This is pretty funny. Not because it is meant to be funny but I have seen everyone of these methods he lists about cheating.

I just submitted my last set of grades for the semester. This is always a big weight off my shoulders, but since it will be the last set of grades I ever submit at the University at Buffalo, it is an even greater relief. And so I think it’s time for me to “give back” as the kids say.

I had a 24 hour take home (distance course, so “keep home”?) final exam. Students had to submit it in text—and most submitted it in Word. In the exam, I noted that “I expect everyone to behave honorably,” and noted that receiving assistance from others or plagiarizing work was a bad idea.

I would prefer that students don’t cheat. Yes, they really are mostly cheating themselves, so fine. But it also reflects poorly on the community. Rationally or not, what particularly irks me is that it is disrespectful: of me, of their fellow students, of the university, of the institution of learning, and of themselves. And—did I mention—of me? It is particularly irksome when their cheating implies (reminds?) that I am a fool.

So, to help students across the country cheat better, saving themselves both from easy detection and from incurring the wrath of insulted faculty, and leading to a much more harmonious school environment, I offer the following tips, based on recent experience:


Big Brother Big Business

Net Neutrality:

Network neutrality relates to the various kinds of distortions that analog and digital networks of any kind impose on the traffic they carry, either due to design, to management practices, or to meet business objectives. Network neutrality is a focal point for regulatory policies, especially related to the Internet. It is often used in an idiosyncratic manner by political groups to signify any of a wide-ranging collection of public policy goals. The precise interpretation of the term is the subject of contentious debate, perhaps because it is a recent coinage without a well-established history as well as the subject of political debate.

A number of legislative measures were considered by the United States Congress in 2006 by groups claiming to advance network neutrality, but supporters of opposing measures made similar claims. The differing points of view offer a process-based approach insensitive to network resources on the one hand and a resource-based approach maximizing effective use of the network on the other. The goals of process-based neutrality are achieved when networks forward packets without regard to their size, purpose or content, except as these characteristics relate to network management imperatives. The resource-based approach takes into account the requirements of the generating and consuming applications in order to maximize the number of network usages with satisfactory outcomes and fairly distribute finite resources across the widest range of uses.

On what is going on:

Congress is pushing a law that would abandon the Internet's First Amendment -- a principle called Network Neutrality that prevents companies like AT&T, Verizon and Comcast from deciding which Web sites work best for you -- based on what site pays them the most. If the public doesn't speak up now, our elected officials will cave to a multi-million dollar lobbying campaign.

The government says that it is the entrepreneur who is the driving force in our economy. Then why are they supporting the big telecomm mafia? Let me give you some reasons why the Telecomm Mafia does not control the internet.

First reason: Through our local governments we have "given" the cable companies the privilege of being a utitlity and therefore becoming a monopoly

Second reason: Through our government we have given them access to OUR land to lay their lines.

Third reason: Through our government we have given many of these Telecomm Mobsters tax incentives to lay their cables.

Fourth reason: Through our government the internet was created. We "own" the government not the telecomm mafia.

So we need to remind those Telecomm Hitmen that we own the internet.

Please sign that petition and/or find ways to fight the Telecomm Mafia.


All hail the conquering hero!

"He hath slain the dragon and through his appearance brought stability to this war torn land!"

Wow what a week! El presidente Bush has flown to Iraq and killed al-Zarqwi with his bear hands. At least that's what they want you to think by having him go to Iraq not long after the death of al-Zarqwi.

Bush's low approval ratings have lead Rove et al. to work on fixing those ratings because as research has shown a Prez with low ratings can not sway the public who in turn sway their congress-person who in turn can make and vote for laws. So in order to get those approval ratings up Bush had to reaffirm the visual mastery of the mythic president (Erickson, 2000). Erickson (1998) also stated that the images transmitted from such travels connote attendace to the affairs of state, concernt for the publics' welfare and the wielding of political influence. We can see all of those in Bush's sudden trip to Iraq. The trip and the images coming from the trip were loaded with messages. They would have you believe that Bush killed Zarqwi himself. And really who was Zarqwi? Was he the mastermind behind all that was wrong in Iraq or was he just one of hundreds of insurgents? I recall the day he was killed I was watching CNN and one of the talking heads/news readers stated something about how Zarqwi was the head of it all. That struck me as very Ethnocentric on our part. We as American saw him as the head of it all but if you think about it critically was he?

The fighting in Iraq is between all sorts of factions most importantly between various off shoots of Islam. Zarqwi had no love for the Sunni so would he be the head of those factions of the insurgency? No so does his death mean a turning point in Iraq? No.

That trip to Iraq was nothing more than another "Mission Accomplished" moment. Bush is trying to bamboozle the population into thinking he's a good president again. He is attempting to do that by sending coded messages to you and me through is travel spectacle to Iraq. When are we going to think critically about these rhetorical strategies and see him for what he is? He did not have a hand in slaying the great dragon our troops did don't forget that.

Though from what I understand some great info came from Zarqwi's death.


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Who said these things?

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

"The presumption of innocence only means you don't go right to jail."

"To a disabled Vietnam vet: "People like you caused us to lose that war."


Public Service Announcement

For those of you wondering how the Republicans are going to use 9/11 and the war in Iraq (or fear appeals) to try to win the 2006 mid-term election check out the memo from Majority Leader (filling in for Tom "Devil's Butt Puppet" DeLay) John Boehner.

What's all that Jazz about Dems exploiting 9/11? Those fuckers on the right have been abusing 9/11 since 9/12. So now you know! And knowing is half the battle!


Odd is a commODDity

I have been noticing in the past few years more and more commercials have been a bit more "odd". Take this advertisement for Folgers. Though I'm pretty sure it's a viral video meant to target a specific group rather than be placed in primetime television it still is not your "normal" commercial. Now I must cleanse my soul from placing an advertisement in our sexy blog.

By the way, Is there anything David Hasselhoff can't do?


Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Future

The machination is in motion! The future website for your pal Phineas will soon be a reality in the near near future.


Bass player won't you please play for me!

A mad genius spliced together instrument instructional videos to make some tunes. It's pretty cool but what sends it into the cool sexy stratosphere is the bassist. Oh yes the bass player! Look at the bass player!


I Can't Quit (bombing) You!

The US military investigated building a "gay bomb", which would make enemy soldiers "sexually irresistible" to each other, government papers say.

I wonder if they quit working on the "gay bomb" to focus in on their "gay-dar" project? Thank you very much! I'll be here all week!

But seriously folks I wonder if while they were working on the gay bomb any radical rightwingers had to question their belief that homosexuality is a choice?

The gay bomb is pretty funny but the bad breath bomb is even better.

Another idea was to develop a chemical causing "severe and lasting halitosis", so that enemy forces would be obvious even when they tried to blend in with civilians.

How'd you like to be the guy or gal with that job, going around sniffing people's breath to identify enemy combatants? How can you differentiate between the "bad-guy" and morning breath? What about the people with just bad breath?

"I swear I'm not an enemy combatant! I just have bad breath...damn that explains all the first and no second dates and why my friends sound like they have stuffed noses when they talk to me."

Researchers also looked into the use of swarms.

Scientists also reportedly considered a "sting me/attack me" chemical weapon to attract swarms of enraged wasps or angry rats towards enemy troops.

I have an idea for the military. Invent a bomb that has Old Ladies who pass out Jack Chick tracts swarm on the enemy and annoy the hell out of them.


It ain't over for the Karl Rove-r

Yes I was hoping for Rove to be indicted. Yes, I would have danced in the streets if he was found guilty. And yes it would have been Ape McGape if Rove was sent to Federal Pound Me In the Ass prison. However, it appears that none of that will happen.

Once again a no good dirtbag gets away with their crime.

It makes me know what it isn't worth a rant right now. It isn't worth Bush's lies about firing those who leaked (no matter how rewriting of history he does), it doesn't matter that Bush's father Papa Bush said, and I'm paraphrasing, people who did what Rove did are traitors, it doesn't matter that Rove has a history of leaking to Novak.

What does matter is Rove is back to his hold tricks and he must be destroyed.


Monday, June 12, 2006

Trinity Broadcasting Nutjobs Pt. II

This was the follow up letter from the previous one. Before you read this around 2001 I was trying to see if I could interject Ape McGape as a sort of "cool" into the language of this one website/message board. I really liked that term and don't ask me why but I may do it again. Ape McGape! Around that time I bet my students that if they could interject a new word in the University lingo the class would all get some real good extra credit. It had to be legit though. Nevertheless here is the follow up letter.

Benny Hinn Ministries

Post Office Box 162000

Irving, Texas 75016-2000

Dear Benny Hinn,

I don’t know what I was thinking about when I suggested John Hagee’s Slutty Girl Party. You see my underwear has been very restrictive lately and doesn’t let me leave my place until I’ve cleaned the oven. Well any ways I think the John Hagee Slutty Girl Party has already been done with the final episode where Paul Crouch heals John of his syphilis and his insanity and he rides off into the sunset upon a really tiny scooter, like the kind clowns ride. John Hagee rides the little scooter not Paul, it’s funnier because John is fat and Paul wears a girdle.

Well since I ripped you off with that idea I thought I’d write back and give you another idea, free of charge. It’s called “Rod Stewart Doesn’t See Me in His Bushes.” Since reality television is so hip now and all the kids are talking about it this show should go over like gangbusters, and the best part a whole years worth is already done. I have them all in my own video collection. It’s really an entertaining show with witty comments from yours truly.

In the first episode Rod is sitting around watching television drinking tea and I say stuff like. “Rod…heh heh heh…Rod….heh heh heh.” Really funny stuff like that. The kids today with their rock ‘n’ roll music will love it. The second episode doesn’t really have Rod in it as much as it has his voice. It’s mainly a scene of a telephone and my hand dialing his number and saying stuff like. “Rod…heh heh heh…Rod…heh heh heh.” Then some times I fart into the phone. I even say to him when he gets really mad. “I think you think I’m out to get you. Rod…heh heh heh.” I have three hundred and sixty five hours of this genius just sitting around in my place.

The kids will go Ape Mc Gape over it. The kids will be doing some serious sandwich eating!

Think it over my brother.

Yours truly,


Trinity Broadcasting Nutjobs

Some years ago, oh around 2001 I began a letter writing campaign to TBN, Benny Hinn, and John "I have Herpes" Hagee. I never received a response but here is one of the letters I sent to Benny Hinn.

Benny Hinn Ministries

Post Office Box 162000

Irving, Texas 75016-2000

Dear Benny Hinn,

I understand you are going to have your own television network, The Pirate Music Network. Well do I have a show idea for you! From what I understand television is all the rage with midgets and amputees. Well I have a great idea for a show called “Disco Midget Parties!”

I believe that the little people are not being represented in the media and this show on your Pirate Music Network would bring in a large group of little people viewers. The whole show revolves around a group of midgets who are using black magic to bring back disco, which always ends in hilarious predicaments. In episode one the midgets read Harry Potter and cast a spell that makes mustaches all taste like tuna melts. Well needless to say hilarity ensues when guys and some times gals start chewing at their mustaches and hate disco even more. What an Idea! I have millions of them.

How about a show called “Not if you were the last Zombie on earth!” It’s a show about a zombie who’s just trying to get a date in a world of living women and he has a case of explosive diarrhea. Can you imagine all the hilarious things that could come from that? A zombie is pretty funny in the first place but a zombie wearing adult diapers (cross promotional!) will have people needing adult diapers themselves from laughter induced urination.

So what do you think Mr. Hinn? I know you are a man of Hinntegrity so you will give this consideration. Hey what about a show called John Hagee’s Slutty Girl Party. I’m a wealth of ideas you could use me working for your Pirate Music Network.

Yours in Christ,


A letter to Anthrax Coulter from Hank Rollins

I know I said I'd try to stop posting youtube shit but I had to post this.

Post modern intercultural political communication

As doomsayers go this guy has one of the more interesting doomsday story lines. (Because Blogger won't publish this post because the HTML wasn't excepted here is the link to the story:,,2087-2220267_1,00.html)

ONE of Britain’s most senior military strategists has warned that western civilisation faces a threat on a par with the barbarian invasions that destroyed the Roman empire.

In an apocalyptic vision of security dangers, Rear Admiral Chris Parry said future migrations would be comparable to the Goths and Vandals while north African "barbary" pirates could be attacking yachts and beaches in the Mediterranean within 10 years.

Europe, including Britain, could be undermined by large immigrant groups with little allegiance to their host countries — a "reverse colonisation" as Parry described it. These groups would stay connected to their homelands by the internet and cheap flights. The idea of assimilation was becoming redundant, he said.

I don't know about you but an increase in pirates sounds pretty cool. I wonder if there will be an increase in ninjas with the pirate population explosion?

Now I'm no military strategist or an international political analyst so I can't tell you oh sexy readers if this will happen or not but I'm pretty sure some of it will come to pass. Now is the time to rally around the communication expert, the sexy professor's time has arrived. The fragmentation of nation state allegiance, communication and social identity mixed in with intercultural communication and politcal communication with the mass migration of populations will offer ample opportunity to research and provide activist/action/applied communication suggestion.

The article went on to say:

Parry pointed to the mass migration which disaster in the Third World could unleash. "The diaspora issue is one of my biggest current concerns," he said. "Globalisation makes assimilation seem redundant and old-fashioned . . . [the process] acts as a sort of reverse colonisation, where groups of people are self-contained, going back and forth between their countries, exploiting sophisticated networks and using instant communication on phones and the internet."

It is that very redundancy of assimilation into the nation state that makes communication so very important. No longer will the national narrative/mythos draw the people together so those countries seeing the increase of immigration must meet the newcomers with communication strategies that welcome them while allowing for autonomy. Usually in times of mass immigration xenophobic nationalistic feelings take hold of the population. Those feelings must also be met with and neutralized as much as possible. How is that done? Through careful message generation. The communication scholar can study and create such messages. This is the time of better understanding communication. I realize it I just hope those in power will, but they won't.

The article went on:

Third World instability would lick at the edges of the West as pirates attacked holidaymakers from fast boats. "At some time in the next 10 years it may not be safe to sail a yacht between Gibraltar and Malta," said the admiral.

That has nothing to do with communication. I just find it hard to sympathize with those poor yacht people who can't sail their yachts in the waters.


Sunday, June 11, 2006

Say it four times real fast

BLOGBLOGBLOGBLOG. It sounds like the clucking of a chicken. The first ever YearlyKos where bloggers move to enter the political arena. Of course it would be stupid of me to make fun of bloggers considering I'm "one" but I'm not giving up my day job. Perhaps I'm being too cynical but the power elite is too entrenched in the Washington elite and perhaps bloggers will get the attention of a select few but I don't see blogging (kinda sick of that word after watching the YearlyKos on CSPAN) having any major effect. The only different effect it will have on the political process is the raising of small sums of money, slacktivism. The eventual killing of net neutrality will halt the leveling of the playing field for blogging. The 15 blogs that get the most attention will be able to pay the Telecom mafia and the rest of us will be screwed.


The Future

I'm not sure when I'm going through with this...I lost my HTML editor software so I need to find new software that is pretty good but cheap...but I am planning on launching my own website which will tackle what I talk about on this blog, other subjects. It will also have comics from a comic strip/book I've been drawing since 1996 (not sure I'd call it drawing more like putting ink on the toes of chickens getting them drunk and letting them walk around on paper) and articles written by some outside the Sexy Professors cadre.

So for all you non-entities out there who don't read this because you don't exist, when I get that baby up and running (who knows when) I'll post a link here.


Standing on the shoulders of 3000 dead

Time to weigh in on the new Ann Coulter flap. Originally I was not going to give her time here on the Sexy Professors blog but I'm sick of her and her far right out of the mainstream apologists. Ann's argument, as usual, is full of shit because we have seen over and over that the right stand upon the shoulders of the 9/11 victims.

The worst abuser of this is of course the Bush administration. They have used and abused the 9/11 attacks and victims to foster an ugly evil atmosphere. I don' t think the RNC could have gotten any closer to the WTC crater for their 2004 convention. Bush constantly invokes 9/11 to shut critics up.

So who is really reveling in the deaths of 9/11 victims? The people who actually lost close loved ones or the people who barely knew someone or didn't know anyone in those attacks and use them to advance their political agenda?

The answer is clear.


...I didn't mean to answer the question with my name. I'm not the one abusing 9/11 I was just signing off all the while striking a sexy pose.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Will the sexy politics never end?

When you live in a place called Licking you should be suspect for living the Swinger Lifestyle.

Anderson alleges that one of his former employees, Monica Daniel, and a worker in the associate circuit court, Mildred Williams, disseminated false information about him and "conspired with each other to use their public offices to coordinate and orchestrate a 'swinger' style sex ring out the Texas County prosecutor's office and the Texas County associate court office..."

What a great story it has everything you want for a super sexy scandal (I just coined that term like I coined Another Sexy Situation). The SSS has chicks, politicians, sex, and swinger "style" sex rings. What more could you ask for?


Friday, June 09, 2006

State of Sexiness

Hello all you sexy wannabes (all uhhh let me see I think we have 0 readers) it's me Phineas again. I'm going to start this off with an apology. I realize I've been pretty damn lazy with posting anything of interest on this here sexy blog. Excuse me while I adjust my ascot and reload my pipe. That's better...back to my apology. I have been lazy with posting here. If I'm posting I'm just posting links to videos and letting the videos do the talking for me. This is way too common for us as Americans. We view creativity as something others have and let them use their creative abilities to tell us our stories. We are all creative beings that have the capabilities to discern and create our own stories, we don't need Hollywood to build our cultural mythos. We don't need Madison Avenue to build our cultural mythos either. We certainly don't need fackin' politicians to tell us and create our mythos. We can do it ourselves and for not helping along that process I apologize. Now this does not mean you should stop reading this here blog because you are going out to do your own thing. This means...uhhh...this means...Ok this means just keep reading this here thing-a-ma-jig.

On another note Drunk Cyclist linked to us again. If you recall one of the Sexy Professors wrote a rhetorical analysis of Drunk Cyclist (by the way Good to see one of the other Sexy Professors posting here...Prescott good show old bean) and he sent that paper to over to Drunk Cyclist and twice we have been linked to that web site. So in return I link to Drunk Cyclist but it has also inspired me to write a paper in order to get some attention from a certain someone...Estelle Getty. If you follow that link provided you will see Estelle's "hit counter" and see that it is rolling and rolling and rolling. This gives the McDonalds impression over a billion served...not that way perverts!

When you go into the website you get all sorts of swell information and kudos from Estelle Fans. This is one of my favorites.


Frank Gilbert


Fairborn, Ohio


Golden Girls is a show that my wife watches every day without fail. And of course, Sophia is her favorite. I walk in for lunch and she has to tell me all about what I missed .... even though we've both probably seen it several times. Like someone else once said Estelle, "Thanks for the memories". May your health be as good as it can be and know that many peoples prayers are always with you.
Most Sincerely, Frank Gilbert

Sounds like Ole Frank has a rockin' good time at his pad.

What baffles me is no one thanked her for being a friend.

Well that's it for now sexy gang. I'll try to post more often and get to work on the Sexy Professors show but I don't know. I've been crazy busy.

Oh yeah before we go see how your President reacted to Brownie doing a heck of a job.

Until then Keep it Sexy!

In an interview on the Situation Room, Former FEMA director Michael Brown discussed this e-mail he provided CNN that alleges candid comments from President Bush in a Cabinet meeting in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. Brown, through his attorney, provided this e-mail on the condition that CNN redact the name, not revealing the identity of the author.


Just keep it sexy

So what da sexy professors at well besides right here check this story out.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Cultural Hegemony

Again from Wonder Showzen


Dig it

I'm likin' the Wonder Showzen


About 4 or 5 years ago

About four or five years ago I said to a friend: "George W. Bush will go down in history as the worst president of the United States." I have repeated that over and over since. I guess you'd have to expect that from a liberal sexy professor. You'd have to expect that kind of blaspheme. Well it turns out that I predicted correctly.

June 1, 2006 - Bush Tops List As U.S. Voters Name Worst President

President Bush is ranked worst by 56 percent of Democrats, 35 percent of independent voters and 7 percent of Republicans, the independent Quinnipiac (KWIN-uh-pe-ack) University poll finds. Best ranking for Reagan comes from 56 percent of Republicans, 7 percent of Democrats and 25 percent of independent voters. Among American voters 18 - 29 years old, Clinton leads the "best" list with 40 percent.


Saturday, June 03, 2006

A real O G.W.B.

I'm not sure what to think about this. The invoker does not look anything like GWB he does a pretty good job of impersonating his voice. Something about it doesn't sit right with me but I have to admit anything that makes fun of ole Gee Dub needs to be put out to the masses.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

When its good, its so very good

I can't believe I found this but I did. The Chuck Norris Cartoon. Not only is the intro one of the best intro's ever (behold the sumo wrestling banging the guys head--not that king of banging my sexy minions) but the evil ninja's voice rocks. What's even better is it has Chuck introduce the show. It also proves my hypothesis that Chuck Norris has no sense of humor because he didn't break down laughing when he read the line "dealing with deadly dolphins."

Entering the Age of the American Empire/Tyranny

Nearly half of the 6 million American voters living abroad(3) never received their ballots -- or received them too late to vote(4) -- after the Pentagon unaccountably shut down a state-of-the-art Web site used to file overseas registrations.(5) A consulting firm called Sproul & Associates, which was hired by the Republican National Committee to register voters in six battleground states,(6) was discovered shredding Democratic registrations.(7) In New Mexico, which was decided by 5,988 votes,(8) malfunctioning machines mysteriously failed to properly register a presidential vote on more than 20,000 ballots.(9) Nationwide, according to the federal commission charged with implementing election reforms, as many as 1 million ballots were spoiled by faulty voting equipment -- roughly one for every 100 cast.(10)

The reports were especially disturbing in Ohio, the critical battleground state that clinched Bush's victory in the electoral college. Officials there purged tens of thousands of eligible voters from the rolls, neglected to process registration cards generated by Democratic voter drives, shortchanged Democratic precincts when they allocated voting machines and illegally derailed a recount that could have given Kerry the presidency. A precinct in an evangelical church in Miami County recorded an impossibly high turnout of ninety-eight percent, while a polling place in inner-city Cleveland recorded an equally impossible turnout of only seven percent. In Warren County, GOP election officials even invented a nonexistent terrorist threat to bar the media from monitoring the official vote count.(11)

The Early 90s

If you remember the "alternative" scene of the early 90s you might remember EBN making its way through everyone's VCR. I know I had a copy of the video and I still have a couple of the songs on another video.

So for the hell of it and because I'm not up to any critical thinking (for the past week or so) I thought I'd post another video, this one of a shortened version of We Will Rock You.