Monday, June 12, 2006

Trinity Broadcasting Nutjobs

Some years ago, oh around 2001 I began a letter writing campaign to TBN, Benny Hinn, and John "I have Herpes" Hagee. I never received a response but here is one of the letters I sent to Benny Hinn.

Benny Hinn Ministries

Post Office Box 162000

Irving, Texas 75016-2000

Dear Benny Hinn,

I understand you are going to have your own television network, The Pirate Music Network. Well do I have a show idea for you! From what I understand television is all the rage with midgets and amputees. Well I have a great idea for a show called “Disco Midget Parties!”

I believe that the little people are not being represented in the media and this show on your Pirate Music Network would bring in a large group of little people viewers. The whole show revolves around a group of midgets who are using black magic to bring back disco, which always ends in hilarious predicaments. In episode one the midgets read Harry Potter and cast a spell that makes mustaches all taste like tuna melts. Well needless to say hilarity ensues when guys and some times gals start chewing at their mustaches and hate disco even more. What an Idea! I have millions of them.

How about a show called “Not if you were the last Zombie on earth!” It’s a show about a zombie who’s just trying to get a date in a world of living women and he has a case of explosive diarrhea. Can you imagine all the hilarious things that could come from that? A zombie is pretty funny in the first place but a zombie wearing adult diapers (cross promotional!) will have people needing adult diapers themselves from laughter induced urination.

So what do you think Mr. Hinn? I know you are a man of Hinntegrity so you will give this consideration. Hey what about a show called John Hagee’s Slutty Girl Party. I’m a wealth of ideas you could use me working for your Pirate Music Network.

Yours in Christ,




~Phineas

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