the sexy professors

for another

2006-10-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile

2006-10-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

And it'll be awhile again...

--AZ-Sen: Jon Kyl

--AZ-01: Rick Renzi

--AZ-05: J.D. Hayworth

--CA-04: John Doolittle

--CA-11: Richard Pombo

--CA-50: Brian Bilbray

--CO-04: Marilyn Musgrave

--CO-05: Doug Lamborn

--CO-07: Rick O'Donnell

--CT-04: Christopher Shays

--FL-13: Vernon Buchanan

--FL-16: Joe Negron

--FL-22: Clay Shaw

--ID-01: Bill Sali

--IL-06: Peter Roskam

--IL-10: Mark Kirk

--IL-14: Dennis Hastert

--IN-02: Chris Chocola

--IN-08: John Hostettler

--IA-01: Mike Whalen

--KS-02: Jim Ryun

--KY-03: Anne Northup

--KY-04: Geoff Davis

--MD-Sen: Michael Steele

--MN-01: Gil Gutknecht

--MN-06: Michele Bachmann

--MO-Sen: Jim Talent

--MT-Sen: Conrad Burns

--NV-03: Jon Porter

--NH-02: Charlie Bass

--NJ-07: Mike Ferguson

--NM-01: Heather Wilson

--NY-03: Peter King

--NY-20: John Sweeney

--NY-26: Tom Reynolds

--NY-29: Randy Kuhl

--NC-08: Robin Hayes

--NC-11: Charles Taylor

--OH-01: Steve Chabot

--OH-02: Jean Schmidt

--OH-15: Deborah Pryce

--OH-18: Joy Padgett

--PA-04: Melissa Hart

--PA-07: Curt Weldon

--PA-08: Mike Fitzpatrick

--PA-10: Don Sherwood

--RI-Sen: Lincoln Chafee

--TN-Sen: Bob Corker

--VA-Sen: George Allen

--VA-10: Frank Wolf

--WA-Sen: Mike McGavick

--WA-08: Dave Reichert

That damn liberal media!

2006-09-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

I'm a little wary of Keith Olberman. Sure I loved what he said in this "monologue" and I love how he picks on O'Reilly, but I'm still wary. I can't help but believe he was smart enough to see a niche in the market, a niche of semi-liberal thought, that was so clearly not filled (sans air america). So he knew he naturally had good strong base to build a viewership. but then again he does stand up and says things like this:

~Phineas

Mutual construction of reality

2006-09-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

Hey kiddies let's have fun and create our own little world. What better way to create a world than through the entertainment industry. Today we are going to remember classic lines from moves that never were...Who could forget:

"We've got to ge this glitter past the rockies!"

Who could forget?

"If she eats one more pancake we'll see just who has the most fun."

I know I will never forget

"Get off my TUNA TROLLER!"

and of course

"Dear god I've never seen so many mustaches."

I don't care how many childrens' skulls I must crush; everyone will soon realize AMERICA LOVES CONRAD BAIN!"

"Get these muthafuckin' hair dressers off this muthafuckin' go-cart!"

"*Gasp!* It appears....we've been...BEDAZZLED!"

"We'll be back! Back with nuclear weapons!!" Oh wait that was a real quote from a real movie.

Perhaps you non-entities remember lines from movies that never were. Feel free to add your own.

Fred Phelps must die!

2006-09-05T07:11:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I'm using Ann Coulter humor here and I can't hit the "funny" as well as she can when she suggests Americans who don't agree with her point of view should die. Nevertheless here is something funny involving the Fred Phelps Closeted Crusade.

~Phineas

"I'm crushing your head!"

2006-09-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

A visualization of todays comps

2006-08-31T16:58:00.000-07:00

Quincy P.U.N.K.

2006-08-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

Ahh my punk rock days. How I loved them. Going to shows to see Circle Jerks, 7 Seconds and DRI. How we formed a pit! How we hated authority and how we wore orange wigs! Those were the days. We were zombie killers, everyones ESCAPEgoats, and our lips were never in synch with our words.

~Phineas

Help a Sexy Prof Out!

2006-08-28T09:14:00.000-07:00

And not in the "prison" way 0r "my girlfriend is gone and a hole is a hole" way. I mean in the way that will allow me to get free power. I don't mean power like influence over others though that would be pretty cool. In fact help me get power by doing what I say so that i can get others to do what I say. Just think about it all of you with a sense of collectiveness doing what I say, it would really make you feel like you are a part of something. That something being the Free Power Movement where people come together to give free power to me!

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah. Free Power. You see there is really only one thing I can do well with my hands, or hand, and until we figure out a way to harness that power (and if we could we'd never have to worry again) we have to find alternative sources of power. Wind power is one of them. Now this is where you, my clumisiness, and free power come in. You can build your own Wind Generator! When I say you and your I mean You and me and my: You can build me my own Wind Generator!

You see that way I can get free power and with free power I don't have to pay for power and when I'm not paying for power I can use that time to think of ways to get more abstract forms of power; like getting YOU to build ME a WIND GENERATOR!

~Phineas

Cartograms

2006-08-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty lazy these days...what am I saying? I'm always lazy. I have been freakin' lazy with this here blog for a variety of reasons:

1. I'm mentally spent after studying for these damn comprehensive exams.

2. Nobody reads this but me.

Nevertheless I will still post some shiz just so i have links to it later.

Like these cartograms which are wicked cool, in a dorky way.

~Phineas

I know! I know!

2006-08-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

I'm back to posting way too many bits of youtube fecal matter, but I'm fackin' lazy right now.

~Phineas

MY EARS!

2006-08-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

Bill O'Reilly Fans hate America

2006-08-18T16:21:00.000-07:00

Ring Wingnuts

2006-08-18T14:42:00.000-07:00

This is great! Check out how right wing nut jobs see the New York times.

~Phineas

Save my porcelain figures of Jack Lord!

2006-08-18T14:38:00.000-07:00

Who knew Jack Lord could evoke such anger and such great use of threats. Though I must admit I was reading some hate mail sent to a website, I can't remember which, and the one that wished the website owner would "slip on down poop and chip your elbow bone" was the best bit of hate mail ever. I wish I could find that one again.

~Phineas

Confessions of a Leftie

2006-08-18T07:52:00.000-07:00

I used to get upset by the lies, mud slinging, and dirty tricks of the GOP. Now their shenanigans have gotten so old, so stale, and so predictable that they are laughable. The GOP has become a one trick pony. I can sum up their one trick in one word: Fear. Everything they do is about fear: "The terrorists are going to get you!" "Those gayos are going to ruin your marriage." "Those who don't believe as we do are destroying your life." It's all fear appeals. It worked or works but it doesn't bug me as much because now it's laughable.

They say democrats have no vision I say all they have is fear. That isn't scary that is sad.

~Phineas

That damn liberal media!

2006-08-14T12:18:00.000-07:00

"I've never been called a douche!"

2006-08-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Wow!! This is amazing.

~Phineas

A Quick Note

2006-08-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

I realize I have not been posting much lately. It's after the summer semester and I've been having a bit of a vacation. I'm not sure if you could call it a vacation because I've been studying and writing for my comprehensive exams (as much as possible).

So to tide you non-entities over here is some Rappin' Rodney!

~Phineas

Holy Longjohns Batman!

2006-07-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

I honestly don't know enough about the religious background of Mormonism. I know the history from reading Under the Banner of Heaven, which is a great fackin' book! So I can not tell you if this piece of Anti-Mormonism Christian Propaganda is right or not, but it's funny. Especially the party with Elohim's sexy eyes he cast upon the Virgin Mary. How could any woman resist?

Kind of reminds me of the old SuperFriends.

~PhineAs

Inbred Royalty

2006-07-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

Idiot kings and imperial presidents.

I have a friend over in London who I'd love to be able to hang out with more often. To do that I have been coming up with communication ideas to study in Britain. I've come up with a variety of them and will one day begin studying them. I figure if I study these ideas I can, maybe, create a British Communication study at what ever university I'm working at in the future. I then can spend my summers in London.

What does that have to do with this article?

[snip]

John Dean, the White House lawyer who famously helped blow the whistle on the Watergate scandal that drove Richard Nixon from office, says the country has returned to an "imperial presidency" that is putting the United States and the world at risk.

In his new book, "Conservatives Without Conscience," Dean looks at Republican-controlled Washington and sees a bullying, manipulative, prejudiced leadership edging the nation toward a dark era.

"Are we on the road to fascism?" he writes. "Clearly, we are not on that road yet. But it would not take much more misguided authoritarian leadership, or thoughtless following of such leaders, to find ourselves there.

[snip]

I'm looking for a link other than the Bush Dynasty and how people react to Gee dub as if here were some divine right leader. I have not seen this kind of devotion to a leader since...hmmm...I've never seen this because I have not lived in a dictatorship or during Feudal times. What's really interesting about this "Imperail Presidency" is that they have mostly used words to create this cult of personality around the presidency. I'm tellin' ya, words are magic.

~phinEas

Huffing for a Brighter Future

2006-07-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

When I was a young sexy lad I had a friend who was all into the "huffing scene". He and a couple friends I didn't like were all about the nailpolish. I didn't get into it because, well, something didn't seem right about sitting around breathing into a plastic bag full of nail polish.

That friend actually went on to become a crackhead, long after we parted ways. It might actually make a good after-school special about the gateway properties of huffing. I even have a great slogan for the show: "He went from nail polish to polishing knobs for crack!" To be honest I don't know if he gave any blowjobs for crack but hey I only have to say "Its BASED on true events."

Since then I've heard of all sorts of ways of huffin:. Butane on my brain, the classy paint huffer, and going where no huffer has gone before. But now we are entering a new age of huffing, the Grandma Age of Huffing.

Come to think of it there is someone in our program that smells of mothballs and cheap grandma perfume (SHES IN HER 40S!!!!) and she is always laughing about the stupidest things. Perhaps she's hopped up on mothballs (not goofballs)?

~phiNeas

Fight the Power!

2006-07-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

So you want to download music but you are afraid of an fucking crazy RIAA lawsuit?

Before I give you the link to how you can fight an RIAA lawsuit and win I want to rant about the RIAAs lawsuits against their own fucking customers.

First off they blame slumping sales on file transfers why don't they look at a variety of other reasons like THEY ARE CHURNING OUT SHIT! The same old shit over and over. Not it's not them it's got to be the people who keep them afloat.

Second, it's not as simple as they want you to believe. With new technology comes new and different problems for dinosaurs. There are a shitload of variables involved with what the RIAA wants you to think is and either/or situation.

Finally, even parasites try not to kill their host. So what does that make the record industry? A cancer?

So you want to download but dont' want to lose thousands of dollars on a law suit? Then use this defense and download away.

-phIneas

Far out!

2006-07-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

I remember the year Growing Up Brady by Barry Williams came out. I went out and bought that book and read it in an afternoon. The one part that everyone remembers is Barry Williams talking about how he got stoned "once" and had to do a scene for the Brady Bunch while he was high.

Well my sexy minions here is that scene. Is this a case of Led Zeppelin's Here's to My Sweet Satan, where once you are told to hear it you hear it. Or is he really high?

I actually went to a store and got his autograph in my copy of Growing Up Brady. I bet that baby is like worth a uhhhh $.35.

~pHineas

Evil-lution

2006-07-26T07:01:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to post the snippet and the link. It's hard work being sexy all the time so I'm feeling a bit lazy.

The mammal’s environment exerts a survival pressure for high fidelity senses and responses, which require massively parallel processing, and thus the mammal’s large brain. Internal to the mammal is a vast and complex community of cells, organs, sub-systems, --- exerting instead a pressure for intelligence on its dwellers. Intelligence requires exceptionally fast processing of sequential logic, and thus a very small (in fact sub-cellular) processor.

The middle-ear-parasitic insect, 50M years in that intelligence-pressured environment, had an additional crucial advantage: the ability to genetically pass its knowledge to subsequent generations. It is hypothesized that that insect acquired a superior sub-cellular logic processor, and 6M years ago introduced it into the Chimp’s genome, causing its ‘overnight’ transformation to intelligent Man. A rare en-masse ear infestation case, supportive of this hypothesis is summarized, and additionally offers a physical model for schizophrenia, --- a baffling mystery in psychiatry today.

~Phineas

Twenty-Five Ways To Suppress Truth:

2006-07-24T17:16:00.000-07:00

I'm so sorry my faithful non-entities. I have not been here enlightening you and leading you down the path of sexiness.

I have been rather busy and when I wasn't busy I was being oh so sexy. I know that sounds a bit vague but let's just say mixed drinks and ascots were involved.

Nevertheless here is a link to something I thought you might find interesting.

[snip]

Built upon Thirteen Techniques for Truth Suppression by David Martin, the following may be useful to the initiate in the world of dealing with veiled and half-truth, lies, and suppression of truth when serious crimes are studied in public forums. This, sadly, includes every day news media, one of the worst offenders with respect to being a source of disinformation. Where the crime involves a conspiracy, or a conspiracy to cover up the crime, there will invariably be a disinformation campaign launched against those seeking to uncover and expose the truth and/or the conspiracy. There are specific tactics which disinfo artists tend to apply, as revealed here. Also included with this material are seven common traits of the disinfo artist which may also prove useful in identifying players and motives.

~Phineas

Colbert and Cocaine are fun!

2006-07-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

I've been a big fan of Stephen Colbert since he first appeared on the Daily Show not long before Jon Stewart came aboard. Since then my adimiration for the man has grown and grown and now he enters the pantheon of comic geniuses.

[snip]

Thursday night's segment produced a new "high" or low for the "Colbert Report" show, depending on your outlook...

Rep. Robert Wexler, a Democrat who represents the Boca Raton area in Florida, skated through the first part of the interview segment with good humor...

His final approach on Thursday was to point out to Wexler that since he was basically unopposed for re-election this year he could probably say anything and it would not hurt him at all. So Colbert said, now this is "just kidding," but why don't you say that you use cocaine because "it is fun"?

Wexler laughed and amiably repeated "Because it's fun." Presumably he does not use cocaine, but he went along with the gag. Colbert, trying to get him clearly on the record, then said, no, say the whole thing, and Wexler dutifully replied: "I use cocaine because it's fun."

Then Colbert got him to say the same thing about seeing prostitutes-- and finally that using cocaine and prostitutes at the same time was really fun.

[snip]

You know you won G!

The wet teeshirt contest muthfucka!

~Phineas

www.whorepresents.com

2006-07-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

I realize this baby is pretty old now but I stumbled across it again and feel it is worth a post for no one to read.

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:

~Phineas

Train your body

2006-07-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

This is pretty cool.

Read minds!

Your own! "If you're giving a speech the next day, review it before falling asleep," says Candi Heimgartner, an instructor of biological sciences at the University of Idaho. Since most memory consolidation happens during sleep, anything you read right before bed is more likely to be encoded as long-term memory.

~Phineas

The Haunted Post

2006-07-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

I have tried to post this story many times and fackin' blogger won't do it.

One last attempt.

[snip]

Lorna Jeanne Dudash was looking for love, but it might have been the wrong place to launch a search. The Oregon woman thought the cops who came by her house to investigate a neighbor's complaint were awfully cute, so she called 911 to try to track them down.

[snip]

The website doesn't mention when the "cutie-pies" showed up they handcuffed and took her to jail.

~Phineas

Sexy Professors turned out on the streets

2006-07-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

I'm so fucking sick and tired of people refering to and assuming that a University is a business and therefore students are consumers. It is not a fucking business, even though administration these days want it to be. It is a place of research and higher education which functions in a totally different world than a for-profit business with different culture and expectations.

This also makes us dependent on governmental funds and the government for sometime now does not want to educate the people.

Publicly funded higher education is on the ropes like never before. A 20-year decline in state funding for public higher education institutions -- where 65 percent of all four-year college students are educated -- is one of several factors contributing to what some experts describe as an American crisis.

In a critical collection, "What's Happening to Public Higher Education?" (Praeger Publishers), Cornell's Ronald G. Ehrenberg brings together the works of two-dozen researchers in the field of public higher education to spell out the sobering truths on the subject.

~Phineas

Follow up to Schadenfreude-alypse

2006-07-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

I have found out that the thread where the Wacky Religious right are so happy about the pain, suffering and death of others has been removed. I wonder why. But thanks to folks at the Democratic Underground who had the foresight to snag a few of the posts here they are.

ohappyday
Is it time to get excited? I can't help the way I feel. For the first time in my Christian walk, I have no doubts that the day of the Lords appearing is upon us. I have never felt this way before, I have a joy that bubbles up every-time I think of him, for I know this is truly the time I have waited for so long. Am I alone in feeling guilty about the human suffering like my joy at his appearing some how fuels the evil I see everywhere. If it were not for the souls that hang in the balance and the horror that stalks man daily on this earth, my joy would be complete. For those of us who await his arrival know, somehow we just know it won't be long now, the Bridegroom cometh rather man is ready are not.

watcherboy
it has been quite a day today, if you caught all the news; I'm getting the feeling world tension is gonna be high for a long time with increased terrorism and nations being defiant. I don't think it will cool down until after the rapture when the peace deal is confirmed.

ifnot4him
Ready, waiting and excited here! Still telling others whenever possible that the rapture could take place at any time because this world is in such a big MESS and evidently it goes through one ear and right out the other

comicnurse
My brother has witnessed to some of his friends over and over. He finally prayed to God and asked Him to spare their lives when the rapture happens. Dan has told them, "When the rapture happens, go to my house and read everything I have in this folder." They roll their eyes, but............I'll bet they run to find that folder when the rapture happens!

Waitin
I too am soooo excited!! I get goose bumps, literally, when I watch what's going on in the M.E.!! And Watcherboy, you were so right when saying it was quite a day yesterday, in the world news, and I add in local news here in the Boston area!! Tunnel ceiling collapsed on a car and killed a woman of faith, and we had the most terrifying storms I have ever seen here!! But, yes, Ohappyday, like in your screen name , it is most indeed a time to be happy and excited, right there with ya!!

What do you call a person who revels in the death of others?

~Phineas

Guess who's going to run for prez in '08

2006-07-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

Former U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich says America is in World War III and President Bush should say so.

Gingrich said in an interview Saturday that Bush should call a joint session of Congress the first week of September and talk about global military conflicts in much starker terms than have been heard from the president.

"We need to have the militancy that says 'We're not going to lose a city, " Gingrich said.

Gingrich said in the coming days he plans to speak out publicly and to the administration from his seat on the Defense Policy Board about the need to recognize that America is in World War III.

He lists wars in Afghanistan, Iraq, last week's bomb attacks in India, North Korean nuclear threats, terrorist arrests and investigations in Florida, Canada and Britain, and violence in Israel and Lebanon as evidence of World War III.

He said Bush needs to deliver a speech to Congress and "connect all the dots" for Americans.

He said European leaders and some in the Bush administration who are urging a restrained response from Israel are falling short of what needs to be done "because they haven't crossed the bridge of realizing this is a war."

Once that's accepted, he said, "Israel wouldn't leave southern Lebanon as long as there was a single missile there. I would go in and clean them all out, and I would announce that any Iranian airplane trying to bring missiles to resupply them would be shot down. This idea that we have this one-sided war where the other team gets to plan how to kill us and we get to talk, is nuts."

Gingrich was in the area for fundraisers for Congressman Dave Reichert, R-Auburn, 2nd District GOP challenger Doug Roulstone, and the state Republican party.

There is a political element to his talk of World War III. Gingrich said that public opinion can change "the minute you use the language" of World War III. The message then, he said, is, "OK, if we're in the third world war, which side do you think should win?"

Gingrich said he is "very worried" about Republicans facing fall elections and says the party must have the "nerve" to nationalize the elections and make the 2006 campaigns about a liberal Democratic agenda rather than about President Bush's record.

Republicans are now "sailing into the wind" in congressional campaigns. He said, in part, that's because of the Iraq war, adding, "Iraq is hard and painful, and we do not explain it very well." But some of it is due to Republicans' congressional agenda. He said House and Senate Republicans "forgot the core principle" of the party and embraced congressional pork. "Some of the guys," he said, have come down with a case of "incumbentitis."

Democrats have been trying to nationalize the midterm elections and make each race about Bush's record and the Iraq war.

Republicans instead have been trying to localize each race, as in Reichert's challenge from political newcomer Darcy Burner, and make the race about the qualifications and personalities of the candidates, not about a national agenda.

Gingrich says that's a mistake. Republicans, he says, should nationalize the contest, too.

He said that as Democrats make the elections about George Bush, Republicans should make it about House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-San Francisco. He said voters need to be told "how weirdly San Francisco these guys are voting," and Democrats will "collapse in defeat."

"There's going to be a national conversation in October," Gingrich said of the final sprint to the November election. "The only question is whether it's the Republicans defining it or whether we have some nutty idea that we can run local races, and so the entire definition is on the left."

"This is classic — that Gingrich's solution to Bush's failed leadership is a different 'marketing strategy,' " state Democratic Party spokesman Kelly Steele said by e-mail.

"Democrats believe we need a 'tough and smart' strategy that makes 2006 a year of transition in Iraq and aggressively takes the fight to the terrorists, while Gingrich and Bush seek to elect a new crop of loyal rubberstamps — McGavick, Reichert, and Roulstone included — to blindly support and extend their monopoly on their 'tough and dumb' conduct of the war in Iraq and the larger battle against global terrorism."

Culture is Fantasy

2006-07-16T09:53:00.000-07:00

Your arguments of culture are all based on fantasy...a social created reality. That's right your culture is as malleable as your sense of reality. You see we humans are symbol users (Burke), we imbue objects with meaning. If we wanted to we could totally change the letter C to some kind of symbol like >~ give it the phonetics of C and there ya go, it does the same thing just looks different.

Let's say a giant reset button was hit (the way things are going in this world you'd think the reset button is going to be hit soon) and the only artifacts future humankind could find were pictures of professional wrestlers. One person in the tribe is convinced that this was the cultural heritage of the Fallen World. She/he happens be a very convincing person and goes out to convince people their cultural heritage is dressing like a wrestler (I'm thinking Hulk Hogan), they must have ritual fake fights to settle disputes, and must all be bulked up dudes and busty women. Enough people see the evidence and believe the speaker, that soon chains out into their world and before you know it the Culture of Hogan is born. Everyone is eating their vitamins, saying their prayers and growing really gay mustaches (well the dudes).

Come to think of it that would make a great sci-fi story. I'd call it The Poor Future or The Once and Future King of the Ring and tell it as the society learns its heritage and chains it out till men are shaving the tops of their head, tanning all day and women are... well what do the women in wrestling do, besides have big boobs?

The Leaning Ivory Tower of Babbel

2006-07-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

The Leaning Ivory Tower of Babbel

The academy, academia, whatever you want to call it is a festering pool of groupthink and isolationism. Granted we are under attack by fucking right wing wack jobs who have either never been on a campus or haven't been on one since the 60s when it really was a hotbed of liberalism (as if that were a bad thing). Nevertheless the research we put out is often times useless and just for our own masturbatory purposes. Not to mention the strict hierarchy that is becoming more and more entrenched. Before I get into the main purpose of this screed I'll discuss the hierarchy a bit.

There are certain professors on the editorial boards of some of the higher up journals (and no this is not sour grapes because I haven't been rejected from a journal...you can't be rejected when you don't send anything in haw haw!) and they want specific things in the journal. These people also teach/RESEARCH at specific universities where they churn out clones of themselves and help those grad students get published. So they are ensuring the perptuation of painfully borning journals.

I recently cancelled my subscription to my disciplines main/headhoncho journal because it had articles like this

The Male Madonna and the Feminine Uncle Sam: Visual Arguments, Icons, and Ideographs in 1909 Anti-Women Suffrage Postcards.

POSTCARDS!!! Who the fuck cares. I realize you can make an argument that perhaps postcards are lil' messengers that could through their pictures reinforce certain gender hegemony but most people outside the ivory tower of babble don't give a shit. I'm sure you can tell as someone in that tower I don't give a shit either.

Yet there is more and if my memory holds true this one might have been the straw...

Imagining citizenship as friendship in the Big Chill.

The Big Fuckin' Chill! Wow you got on that wave of zeitgeist on time. I'm thinking of writing a paper on the Intercultural Patterns of Communication in the A-Team.

That journal is suppose to be the flagship of my discipline and they are during out drek. Perhaps people might feel the same about my work but with my work I'm trying to make it accessible to people outside this ivory tower and something that can be applied to the outside world that doesn't care about postcards and the big chill (well except that delightful soundtrack).

Schadenfreude-alypse

2006-07-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

Hello sexy minions and non-entities. I have a question for you. What would you call a person who revels in the pain and suffering of others if it meant they would be rewarded?

I'm waiting.

Ok they all sound pretty negative. Did anyone of you call them Christians?

If you didn't check out these people.

~Phineas

Wow how low have we sunk

2006-07-14T07:08:00.000-07:00

on the pity scale when Mr. T pities Katrina survivors.

PASADENA, Calif. - Mr. T has given himself a makeover. The former television action star shed the piles of gold chains that were his signature look after witnessing the destruction from Hurricane Katrina.

"As a spiritual man, I felt it would be a sin against my God for me to wear all that gold again because I spent a lot of time with the less fortunate," the actor said Thursday at the Television Critics Association's summer meeting.

~Phineas

The Middle Eastern and Eastern World they are explodin'

2006-07-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

Let's see Israel is entering a new phase of war and has entered Lebanon. This after Palestinians captured an Israeli soldier and Israel responded with attacks and a siege..

Kim Jong Il is launching missiles towards Japan and the US. Japan is getting pissed off and we're a lil' worried.

All in a month.

On the brighter side of things Regis Philbin is NUMBER ONE AGAIN! WOO HOO!

That is real news!

~Phineas

p.s. visit Patton Oswalt's myspace page and website. He's fuckin' funny!

Death to Spyware?

2006-07-10T09:57:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago I got me a batch o' spyware that drove me nuts. When uninstalling it the software company had me fill out a "survey" of sorts. Needless to say they received some colorful language from Ole Sexy Phineas. However, I did not threaten their life as most people seem to do. I am not condoning the practice of threatening to kill spyware developers.

This story tells about how we sell out our ethics every day.

~Phineas

Meet the Bureaucrats

2006-07-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

Foreign Policy magazine, a great magazine though can be a bit right for me, has a great photo shoot of bureaucrats from all over. Cheney (not that one) and Tompkins (1985) argued that bureaucracies focus too much on rewards for hard work. I think we can all agree that's a load of phooey! And they wrote that in '85.

~Phineas

This Piqued my Interest

2006-07-10T07:35:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what I think about Peak Oil. I know it is a finite resource and we are overly dependant on the yummy oil, but I'm not sure if we have hit the Peak Oil point. I don't know enough about it but I am skeptical of both sides of the argument, more skeptical of the oil companies which makes me skeptical of the peak oil side too. How can that be you ask as you watch me adjust my ascot and light my pipe. Simple the peak oil side works on that pathos. They realize that people like me are going to be skeptical of the oil industry so they offer up an argument that will work on that. Simple. I'm also skeptical in that perhaps the oil industry is behind the peak oil scare. Think about it the most precious resource, next to coffee, suddenly becomes more "scarce" and prices go up.

Nevertheless here is a lil' aussie documentary about peak oil...enjoy and draw your own conclusions.

~Phineas

A Reminder!

2006-07-07T07:48:00.000-07:00

It gets your head hummin'!

~Phineas

Spread 'em!

2006-07-07T06:56:00.000-07:00

It appears sexy is in for the season.

~Phineas

"We fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here"

2006-07-07T06:24:00.000-07:00

Hey sexy gang do you remember when the Prez said these words?

"We fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here"

and

There is only one course of action against them: to defeat them abroad before they attack us at home.

Of course you do, it has been a defining aspect of the whole "war on terror". Well I guess all of us who said that line of reasoning was absolute bullshit (like everything else about the war in Iraq) were correct.

Authorities have disrupted planning by foreign terrorists for an attack on New York City tunnels, two law enforcement officials said today.

Now I have a few problems with these recent terrorist plots. First is the first plot was more bullshit. So why was it revealed.

This recent terrorist plot why was it revealed? If you recall running up to the 2004 election it appeared that when ever Bush's approval ratings took a nose dive a new terror alert was issued and his approval ratings would go up. Would the administration use terror alerts for political reasons? You bet they would! Their man Tom Ridge former director of Homeland Security said so.

So why are these new plots coming out in the open now even when there doesn't seem to be much proof that they are a legitimate threat? Could it be Bush's bottoming out approval ratings? And why aren't they using those stupid terror alerts if those terror plots are a real threat? I thought those terror alerts had a purpose other than to scare the beejesus out of the population and make everyone look to their radiant defiant leader?

So what was he saying about we are fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them here?

~Phineas

The Social Machine

2006-07-06T17:08:00.000-07:00

Chomsky and Foucault kickin' it old skool.

Gets a bit laggy but hey it's worth the view.

Keep it sexy!

~Phineas

Objectify thy enemy

2006-07-06T17:01:00.001-07:00

Recently I wrote a paper on the rhetorical uses of humor during war. I analyzed war cartoons and generated what war humor does rhetorically. I think this baby: How to spot a jap could be a great artifact for a cultural analysis.

~Phineas

God's Next Army

2006-07-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

If you think the culture war is being fought in the political arena for all to see you only know a fraction of the story. The Radical Right are working for the future not the now. They are building "armies" of people who are installed into the political machine.

A British Documentary God's Next Army looks at one of these institutions looking to create their army.

It's much like the Conservative Revolutions of '94. The Radical Right knew they had to create a grassroots uprising. The right acted locally by winning in town races and creating a base of support so that they could grow and get to the federal level.

~Phineas

The Tenth Dimension

2006-07-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

I know you cats are sitting around imagining what the tenth dimension would be like.

Well I'm here to help you out. Ok I'm not helping you out, this website is and then you can help me out.

I got most of it but is this actually a part of super string theory? or is it silly string theory?

~Phineas

Want to be the sexy part of the sexy professors?

2006-07-04T07:27:00.000-07:00

Then my friend take this sex test and see where you rank.

If you rank high enough let us know and perhaps we will let you into the rank and file of the sexy professors.

Just imagine, sexy nights out on the town. Sexy dance parties where the crew from Dance Party USA are still at the top of their game. Sexy slumber parties. And let us not forget our sexy Keg stands as administered by Ricardo Honeyboy and his bevy of Sexy Female Space Banditos. If you're real lucky George Hamilton and Estelle Getty might show up and really sexify the party.

~Phineas

Happy 4th of July

2006-07-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

A report for all you celebrants.

The largest safety problem is product misuse rather than product failures, Heckman said. "It's teenagers having bottle rocket wars, parents giving sparklers to 2-year-olds and people having too much to drink and putting firecrackers up their nose."

~Phineas

posting comments

2006-07-03T03:14:00.000-07:00

We have noticed a boste in traffic and those that view or comments feel free to post comments, becasue nothing is more sexy than freedom of speech.

Oh say can you see

2006-07-03T02:31:00.000-07:00

Well I do aplogize to my other sexy professors for not posting for awhile. I have nothing political to add, but something more on a personal note. I had the pleasure of attending a wedding of some friends last weekend and there several friends who I had not seen in several months due to me living in the deep south in order to spread the sexy professorness. Last time I had seen many of these people I was dating a young lady and well lets just say it did not work out and there was some complications to the relationship. I think most of it had to deal with she could not handle my sexiness and she had issues with it. Well the current love of my life can handel the sexiness (sorry ladies I am off the market) and many of my friends were asking me what happened to (I shall call her X for I am a gentleman and I care not to besmearch her name) X. This was followed by, well I heard part of the story and that X was a whore. I had to chuckle to myself, becasue my friends are the best. It makes me happy to know that my friends have this sexy professors back and when they need some advice on being sexy I am there for them. Well I am off to catch a plane back to up the sexiness to south for another month. To my other sexy professors I will try to post more often.

Forgive me

2006-07-01T08:44:00.000-07:00

Forgive me for the poor writing in the previous post.

The Illusion of Freedom

2006-07-01T08:34:00.000-07:00

This is an interview with George Carlin. I don't want to say comedian George Carlin because George is pretty much a philosopher who tells jokes. I was watching this and was debating whether or not to post this because he was making points I wasn't sure I wanted to be associated with? I don't hold his belief that Americans are all fucking stupid (all the time). I believe we all have the capability to be smart but we either choose not to be, are held down for various reasons, or we are in fact fucking stupid. So I was leaning towards not showing this video, and also I've been trying to not post so many youtube shit.

But then around 6:10 George got into something that made me want to post. I had been planning on discussing in a post the illusion of freedom and how it is being taken over by the concept of capitalistic freedom. People equate our freedom with our freedom to purchase and yet are willing to let the government spy on us for reasons that are at best retarded. Do you honestly think the terrorists don't know their phones are going to be tapped? If you've ever seen any mob movie almost invariably they feature a part where the mob have codes and signs to deal with phone taps. Do you really think the terrorists dont' have the same thing? You see we are duped into believing purchasing is power "purchase power". We are duped into believing that a choice of soda is "choice" it is "freedom". They hate us for our freedoms but we're going to slowly errode those freedoms so they dont' hate us as much.

So I was working on a post for the illusion of freedom, but then along came this video. I've always been one to believe that the truth is better swallowed when coated in a joke.

~Phineas

The Machine is Churning

2006-06-30T13:54:00.000-07:00

Your pal Phineas here again. Just thought I'd let you non-entities know that I have a registered domain name now. So now all I have to do is start assembling the website and I'll have that baby launched.

Sexy Police Officers

2006-06-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

I, Phineas D. Whoopee, intiated the Sexy Professors by joking around that all the television shows out there deal with lawyers, doctors and or police officers. There is no representation of any other type of job which tells me a few things: (1)Television writers are hacks because if you're a good writer you can make anything "sexy" you just need to put your mind to it; (2) television producers are hacks because they assume those careers are the only ones of real interest; (3) viewers are brainwashed into believing those are the only careers worth watching; (4) I'm a fackin' genius because I could write (if i took the time out and got off my lazy ass) a show about sexy professors that would be both sexy and about a career that writers, producers, and viewers would not ordinarily think is a good concept (end the sarcasm about being a genius). So I made the joke about the Sexy Professors to my fellow Sexy Professors while at conference and they loved the idea. So this blog was born and boy oh boy was that a stillbirth. Any way it turns out that police officers are pretty stupid sexy.

A Hugo police officer has been terminated from his position. Hugo city officials say that a citizen took this picture of the police officer engaging in activities in his police vehicle.

You see the Sexy Professors would really work out because we wouldn't be as freakin' stupid as that cop because we wouldn't compromise our ethics in that way and we'd know better than to DO IT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!

~Phineas

Again with the net neutrality

2006-06-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

This goes out to all you non-entities out there, you non-entities who actually read this blog. Here is a lil' video to describe net neutrality and why it is so very important.

And..oh yeah...when you get to the part about Vonage phone service and they say one day you are using Vonage and its static-ie or just not working, I have Vonage that is what happens almost all the damn time. If it wasn't so freakin' cheap for what you get I'd dump that garbage.

Woo hoo hooo hoo hoo

~Phineas

...and knowing is half the battle

2006-06-28T07:32:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what kind of plans al Qaeda had/has for their war on the west? Now you can know with Stealing al-Qai'da's Playbook or you can learn about them through their Management of Savagery. I suggest both.

~Phineas

A totally new perspective

2006-06-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if many of you remember Oran "Juice" Jones' one hit wonder song The Rain. I sure do. What I don't remember is how abusive and insane it is. Sure it's crappy 80s pop but around 2:20 Da Juice goes into this crazy ass rant where he talks about stalking his girlfriend, wanting to kill her and her man she was stepping out on him with, and then finishes it up by telling her he's taken away all her possessions. What's the most confusing part about the song/video is he tells her to grab her coat and get the F outta there, then as she leaves he tells her to not touch the coat.

Oh well you can watch it for yourself. It's so wonderfully insane!

~Phineas

Rush Limbaugh...SEX TOURIST!

2006-06-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

So what was Rush doing in the dominican republic with a bottle of Viagra? It almost sounds like the beginning of a joke. It would be totally unethical for us to assume what he was doing in a place that is known for its sex trade. But then again this is Rush Limbaugh who has built his career on tearing people down with innuendo and bluster so I have absolutely no qualms with joining others on wondering if Rush + Viagra + a known Sex Tourism Destination = Rush gettin' his freak on.

The Paragon of Republican Virtue indeed. Speaking of that I thought Rush and the majority of Rush Limbaugh supporters believed in abstinence outside of marriage. How do they explain ole Rush Limp-augh with viagra and not married?

~ Phineas

It's HARD being "right" all the time

2006-06-26T18:33:00.000-07:00

WEST PALM BEACH Sources have confirmed to CBS4 News that conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has been detained at Palm Beach International Airport for the possible possession of illegal prescription drugs Monday evening.

Limbaugh was returning on a flight from the Dominican Republic when officials found the drugs, among them Viagra.

Sorry for the typed laughter but MUA HA HA HA HA! Viagra! BWA HA HA HA!

~Phineas

Only In New Orleans

2006-06-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Having spent a good amount of time in New Orleans I can honestly say "Only in New Orleans!"

"Davis said it wasn't supposed to be like this. They survived Hurricane Katrina's Category 3 winds and the ensuing looters. They reopened despite the long odds of doing business in a devastated city. The last thing the Magazine Street shop owners expected to threaten their survival was a crime ring of transvestites....

The transvestites first appeared in March when they raided Magazine Street like a marauding army of kleptomaniacal showgirls, said Davis, using clockwork precision and brute force to satisfy high-end boutique needs."

Well maybe Hollywood.

~Phineas

Clown Coitus

2006-06-26T07:29:00.000-07:00

And now for the weirdest research I've pretty much ever heard of:

Sending in the clowns can significantly increase the chances that fertility treatment will be a success, Israeli researchers have found.

The team looked at women undergoing embryo transfers, where an IVF embryo is put into the womb.

Just over a third of women entertained by a clown conceived, compared to 19% of a group who were not, a European fertility conference heard.

Most hypotheses come from an observation. What the fuck was going on for this study to be conducted? Secret underground clown orgies?

Dr Friedler, who attended a movement and mime school in France before he entered the medical profession, said he knew fertility patients became stressed - and that laughter could reduce stress.

Could you ever trust a doctor who went to Mime school? Or one who thinks clowns create laughter instead of fear, anger, and shame?

~Phineas

The White House has Sex on its mind

2006-06-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

New White House chief domestic policy adviser Karl Zinsmeister had these things to say in an interview:

As Zinsmeister sees it, racial profiling by the police makes sense; the military, if anything, treats terrorist suspects too gently; and casual sex has led to wrecked cities, violence and 'endless human misery.' In a 'soft, often amoral, and self-indulgent age,' he warned, some children 'will be ruined without a whip hand,' and he assured that 'things generally go better with God.' . . .

Things just go better with god? Is he talking about toast? Toast just goes better with god? Or Chocolate? You got chocolate in my god! You got god in my chocolate? Things generally go better with God. Weird.

But what really sends this guy into Looney Orbit is:

About sex, he tells Wattenberg: "It's something -- it's intense; it's fire. It drives people to insanity. . . . People fall in love with prostitutes. People kill prostitutes. All kinds of things happen in the heat of sexual passion, so my point is because it's fire it needs to be governed and treated with respect and treated carefully."

People tend to speak from personal experience. What is this guy hiding. Certainty I can't mean that people fall in love with PROSTITUTES? Have you seen them?

~Phineas

"When I see pickles i want to scream and run away"

2006-06-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ok I've been really bad with posting more videos on here when I said I'd cut back. You have to understand these NEED to be sent out for more and more people to see.

This baby here is wicked cool. When the young girl describes how pickles have ruined her life you know you HAVE to share it with as many people as possible.

I am so going to capture that description of how pickles ruined her life into a wav and put it in a mix.

~Phineas

Those damn helicopters pt 2

2006-06-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

I think I want to show that to my students when I teach public speaking again and suggest they do a speech much like that. Bonus points if they can refer to someone as "Lemon-headed".

~Phineas

Those damn helicopters

2006-06-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

More on the conspiracy tip.

I don't know what to say about this but god bless 'merica and our free speech.

"Lemon-headed"????

~Phineas

Hello Skynet

2006-06-25T09:37:00.000-07:00

Researchers from IBM Corp. and the Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta have developed the first silicon-based chip capable of operating at frequencies above 500 GHz -- 500 billion cycles per second -- by cryogenically freezing the chip to 451 degrees below zero Fahrenheit (4.5 Kelvins)...

[snip]

At these speeds, Enderle told eChannelLine, and with the proper programming and software, there is hardware potential to create large, and scale highly accurate (virtually perfect) artificial reality and artificial intelligence that could, in many ways, exceed what humans are capable of.

I'm looking forward to hearing more about this accomplishment so as I can be one of the first to welcome our robot overlords.

~Phineas

"You know the gang and government are no different..."

2006-06-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of the conspiracy theory. I'm not a fan because I believe them, though I'm sure there is some truth to some of them but not on the level they are proposed. I'm a fan of them because they are modern mythology...an all powerful force directing our actions for their pleasure and power. Here is a perfect example of that kind of thinking.

~Phineas

This is the state I'm in

2006-06-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

I can't wait to get out of this state especially when you have these items in the same news story.

Sheriff's deputies in Bienville Parish spent much of today investigating a long-haul truck driver who said he found his elderly mother dead in the cab of his rig but drove more than 50 miles before calling authorities.

The dead woman, Viola Adams, had minor scratches on her legs and buttocks, investigators said.

and he's from mississippi

The man told investigators he found his mother dead in Springhill about 6:30 a.m. and alerted his bosses in Mississippi.

If ya think i'm sexy

2006-06-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

There is a website that will scan you blog for the most words used in your blog.

As you can see I think I've said whore enough to make it in the word cloud. Ha ha! I didn't realize I wrote it that much.

While I was genertaing the word cloud I wanted to see where our blog ranked on Google and I found out there is a Sexy Professors Dot Com. (NSFW)

~Phineas

Feel the burn

2006-06-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

Just finished up the first draft of my prospectus yesterday. That is the infant to my fully grown dissertation so I'm a bit burned out on thinking and writing.

So for my adoring masses I have broken my promise to not post so many youtube shit. I decided to break this promise because what I would like you to watch is very important, it isn't just Chuck Norris karate commando.

~Phineas

Katrina and the Waves

2006-06-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

Before and after photos in Katrina effected areas.

And for anyone who gets upset for the flippant title to the Katrina Effect as someone who sat through that damn thing I have every right to make a joke about so suck on that.

~Phineas

Grandfather of the Year award

2006-06-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

And the Pappy award goes to...Harold Wellsted

For:

the grandfather then pushed the girl toward the elk to take a picture. She began to cry when one elk reared up.

and

58-year-old woman yelled at Wellsted, which allegedly prompted him to hit her. The suspect also knocked down the woman's 82-year-old father, who had been using a walker.

Congratulations Harold Wellsted!

~Phineas

A reason to use Ape McGape

2006-06-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

Flash Gordon (1980) is a swashbuckling two hours of good against evil. It's even more amusing for the many tongue-in-cheek references to the Illuminati and the New World Order. Once initiated, it is hard to watch a movie or t.v. programme without noticing them. Most of the time it is covert propaganda, designed to acclimate and pacify. On rare occasions, it provides a genuine warning of sinister agendas. But in the case of Flash Gordon, it seems that the higher-ups in the entertainment business are parodying the puppet-masters pulling our strings.

I'm going to try to come back and comment on this analysis but I had to post it right away because it is totally Ape McGape

~Phineas

The Kill Ann Coulter Contest

2006-06-19T08:46:00.000-07:00

This is a bit old but should be viewed.

Scroll down a bit to the The Kill Ann Coulter Contest

~Phineas

Here it comes...

2006-06-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

"...across the nation, college administrators are struggling with what they say is a growing phenomenon, a product of the unique relationship between many boomer parents and their millennial-generation children.

Administrators say they know these parents mean well. But their frequent phone calls and unreasonable demands stunt student development and test the patience of college officials."

This phenomena didn't start with these millenials it started when people started to conceive of a university as a business (bidness) rather than an institute of higher education. When people start labeling the university as a bidness they get this mentality, as does administration, that the student is a consumer and as a consumer they are always right even when they are wrong.
So it isn't just "overprivileged brats" its the business mentality.

Case in point:

But Boyle, of College Parents of America, thinks concerns about helicopter parents are "overblown."

"It's better than the alternative, them not being involved at all," he says. "In every generation of parents, there are those that get too involved. I think it's a small percentage of parents who do things like try to personally intervene in a roommate dispute."

He says "smart schools" accept that parental involvement is higher with the millennial generation and respond by "catering to the parents."

"They are paying a large part of the tuition bill, and it's just good customer service," he says.

GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE? Sorry Boyle this is not a business this is higher education.

A lesson in poor reporting

The article went on to report:

"They saw their youngsters as "special," and they sheltered them. Parents outfitted their cars with Baby on Board stickers. They insisted their children wear bicycle helmets, knee pads and elbow guards. They scheduled children's every hour with organized extracurricular activities. They led the PTA and developed best-friend-like relationships with their children, says Mastrodicasa, co-author of a book on millennials."

This assumes that all parents of children who go to college have the means and time to do all those activities. I have news for the news reporter that not all students who get to college have parents who do all those things and yet they can be just as over protective perhaps more. At one university I taught, most of the students were first generation university students. Their parents were just as protective because they were "spending their hard earned cash to send their kid to the 'school'". Many of those people both parents worked jobs and didn't necessarily force their kids to wear helmets or organize extracurricular activities, how could they they were too busy putting food on the table (or as Bush would say "putting food on their family"). So when the reporter talks about how those people are the overprotective types they are overgeneralizing and being a bit culturally insensitive.

Though I agree that parents are overly cautious with their kids today I wouldn't say I totally agree with the articles title.

Mommy, tell my professor he's not nice!

That's what rate my professor is for.

~Phineas

The Enthymeme

2006-06-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

When you next hear a republican mention "a plan for victory" in Iraq your sexy professor pal Phineas (I'm not sure about the other two perhaps they will agree with me) wants you to think about it. I mean really think about it. Did that republican actually offer up a "plan" or just say "a plan for victory". Because if they did not offer up a plan they are allowing you to interject your own premise for victory. It's a rhetorical device and it is what Aristotle thought to be his most important contribution to society; the enthymeme.

When a republican says "a plan for victory" they aren't going to give you their plan "We will kill as many people as possible and win all that juicy oil" they are allowing you to just add what every you want into that "plan". It works to their advantage because now you've created the belief they have a plan when in actuallity they don't have any plan at all. I mean have they had a plan at all this whole time other than we're going to be greets as liberators and showered with chocolate and roses? No they have been winging it the whole time what makes you think they have any plan at all?

So when the midterm elections heat up remember think critically (and not with just republicans but with democrats too they are both the powers of the status quo).

~Phineas

Helium filled people

2006-06-16T10:53:00.001-07:00

I think it is a noble cause for people to cling to the helium filled people so as they don't float away and get hit by a plane or worse a hydrogen filled zeppelin.

Here is the perfect example. On one of my trips to the fanastic land of Wal-Mart (for my weekly purchasing of plastic items, charcoal, and fine jewelry) I had the privilege to be stuck behind one of these heroes holding down a helium filled person.

At first I thought he had put this young lady in a headlock and was going to choke her out like Estelle Getty does to bears and giant apes. However, I noticed he never let go of her as they perused all the fantastic items sold by Wal-Mart.

Notice the large asses all over the place

~Phineas

Attention Whore Anthrax Coulter

2006-06-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

I thought it people get investigated for suggesting someone kill an elected official. Perhaps I'm wrong or maybe it's just the president. I know for a fact someone I know was visited by the FBI when he made an offhanded comment like that. Now we have that attention whore/whore galore Anthrax Coulter suggesting we frag an elected official.

In an email interview with John Hawkins at the Right Wing News web site, Coulter was asked, among other things, to offer short comments on several individuals. After harmlessly dismissing former Ambassador Joseph Wilson as the "World's most intensely private exhibitionist," she said of Rep. John Murtha, the hawkish ex-Marine and now antiwar congressman: "The reason soldiers invented 'fragging.'"

Ann is the reason people invented beating someone to death with a sack of oranges.

~Phineas

The thetans are coming!

2006-06-16T07:32:00.000-07:00

Apparently You're the man now dog had put up some stuff mocking Scientology and of course the "church" sent cease and desist letters (which all non-profit tax exempt organizations are allowed to do...) so instead of backing down to the juggernaut of evil they did what everyone should do when faced with this cult; they fought back.

Instead of the usual top YTMND sites they have a list for Scientology.

~Phineas

How to cheat and not treat your sexy professor like a bozo

2006-06-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

This is pretty funny. Not because it is meant to be funny but I have seen everyone of these methods he lists about cheating.

I just submitted my last set of grades for the semester. This is always a big weight off my shoulders, but since it will be the last set of grades I ever submit at the University at Buffalo, it is an even greater relief. And so I think it’s time for me to “give back” as the kids say.

I had a 24 hour take home (distance course, so “keep home”?) final exam. Students had to submit it in text—and most submitted it in Word. In the exam, I noted that “I expect everyone to behave honorably,” and noted that receiving assistance from others or plagiarizing work was a bad idea.

I would prefer that students don’t cheat. Yes, they really are mostly cheating themselves, so fine. But it also reflects poorly on the community. Rationally or not, what particularly irks me is that it is disrespectful: of me, of their fellow students, of the university, of the institution of learning, and of themselves. And—did I mention—of me? It is particularly irksome when their cheating implies (reminds?) that I am a fool.

So, to help students across the country cheat better, saving themselves both from easy detection and from incurring the wrath of insulted faculty, and leading to a much more harmonious school environment, I offer the following tips, based on recent experience:

~Phineas

Big Brother Big Business

2006-06-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

Net Neutrality:

Network neutrality relates to the various kinds of distortions that analog and digital networks of any kind impose on the traffic they carry, either due to design, to management practices, or to meet business objectives. Network neutrality is a focal point for regulatory policies, especially related to the Internet. It is often used in an idiosyncratic manner by political groups to signify any of a wide-ranging collection of public policy goals. The precise interpretation of the term is the subject of contentious debate, perhaps because it is a recent coinage without a well-established history as well as the subject of political debate.

A number of legislative measures were considered by the United States Congress in 2006 by groups claiming to advance network neutrality, but supporters of opposing measures made similar claims. The differing points of view offer a process-based approach insensitive to network resources on the one hand and a resource-based approach maximizing effective use of the network on the other. The goals of process-based neutrality are achieved when networks forward packets without regard to their size, purpose or content, except as these characteristics relate to network management imperatives. The resource-based approach takes into account the requirements of the generating and consuming applications in order to maximize the number of network usages with satisfactory outcomes and fairly distribute finite resources across the widest range of uses.

On what is going on:

Congress is pushing a law that would abandon the Internet's First Amendment -- a principle called Network Neutrality that prevents companies like AT&T, Verizon and Comcast from deciding which Web sites work best for you -- based on what site pays them the most. If the public doesn't speak up now, our elected officials will cave to a multi-million dollar lobbying campaign.

The government says that it is the entrepreneur who is the driving force in our economy. Then why are they supporting the big telecomm mafia? Let me give you some reasons why the Telecomm Mafia does not control the internet.

First reason: Through our local governments we have "given" the cable companies the privilege of being a utitlity and therefore becoming a monopoly

Second reason: Through our government we have given them access to OUR land to lay their lines.

Third reason: Through our government we have given many of these Telecomm Mobsters tax incentives to lay their cables.

Fourth reason: Through our government the internet was created. We "own" the government not the telecomm mafia.

So we need to remind those Telecomm Hitmen that we own the internet.

Please sign that petition and/or find ways to fight the Telecomm Mafia.

~Phinease

All hail the conquering hero!

2006-06-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

"He hath slain the dragon and through his appearance brought stability to this war torn land!"

Wow what a week! El presidente Bush has flown to Iraq and killed al-Zarqwi with his bear hands. At least that's what they want you to think by having him go to Iraq not long after the death of al-Zarqwi.

Bush's low approval ratings have lead Rove et al. to work on fixing those ratings because as research has shown a Prez with low ratings can not sway the public who in turn sway their congress-person who in turn can make and vote for laws. So in order to get those approval ratings up Bush had to reaffirm the visual mastery of the mythic president (Erickson, 2000). Erickson (1998) also stated that the images transmitted from such travels connote attendace to the affairs of state, concernt for the publics' welfare and the wielding of political influence. We can see all of those in Bush's sudden trip to Iraq. The trip and the images coming from the trip were loaded with messages. They would have you believe that Bush killed Zarqwi himself. And really who was Zarqwi? Was he the mastermind behind all that was wrong in Iraq or was he just one of hundreds of insurgents? I recall the day he was killed I was watching CNN and one of the talking heads/news readers stated something about how Zarqwi was the head of it all. That struck me as very Ethnocentric on our part. We as American saw him as the head of it all but if you think about it critically was he?

The fighting in Iraq is between all sorts of factions most importantly between various off shoots of Islam. Zarqwi had no love for the Sunni so would he be the head of those factions of the insurgency? No so does his death mean a turning point in Iraq? No.

That trip to Iraq was nothing more than another "Mission Accomplished" moment. Bush is trying to bamboozle the population into thinking he's a good president again. He is attempting to do that by sending coded messages to you and me through is travel spectacle to Iraq. When are we going to think critically about these rhetorical strategies and see him for what he is? He did not have a hand in slaying the great dragon our troops did don't forget that.

Though from what I understand some great info came from Zarqwi's death.

~Phineas

Who said these things?

2006-06-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

"The presumption of innocence only means you don't go right to jail."

"To a disabled Vietnam vet: "People like you caused us to lose that war."

~Phineas

Public Service Announcement

2006-06-14T07:17:00.000-07:00

For those of you wondering how the Republicans are going to use 9/11 and the war in Iraq (or fear appeals) to try to win the 2006 mid-term election check out the memo from Majority Leader (filling in for Tom "Devil's Butt Puppet" DeLay) John Boehner.

What's all that Jazz about Dems exploiting 9/11? Those fuckers on the right have been abusing 9/11 since 9/12. So now you know! And knowing is half the battle!

~Phineas

Odd is a commODDity

2006-06-14T06:52:00.000-07:00

I have been noticing in the past few years more and more commercials have been a bit more "odd". Take this advertisement for Folgers. Though I'm pretty sure it's a viral video meant to target a specific group rather than be placed in primetime television it still is not your "normal" commercial. Now I must cleanse my soul from placing an advertisement in our sexy blog.

By the way, Is there anything David Hasselhoff can't do?

~Phineas

The Future

2006-06-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

The machination is in motion! The future website for your pal Phineas will soon be a reality in the near near future.

~Phineas

Bass player won't you please play for me!

2006-06-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

A mad genius spliced together instrument instructional videos to make some tunes. It's pretty cool but what sends it into the cool sexy stratosphere is the bassist. Oh yes the bass player! Look at the bass player!

~Phineas

I Can't Quit (bombing) You!

2006-06-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

The US military investigated building a "gay bomb", which would make enemy soldiers "sexually irresistible" to each other, government papers say.

I wonder if they quit working on the "gay bomb" to focus in on their "gay-dar" project? Thank you very much! I'll be here all week!

But seriously folks I wonder if while they were working on the gay bomb any radical rightwingers had to question their belief that homosexuality is a choice?

The gay bomb is pretty funny but the bad breath bomb is even better.

Another idea was to develop a chemical causing "severe and lasting halitosis", so that enemy forces would be obvious even when they tried to blend in with civilians.

How'd you like to be the guy or gal with that job, going around sniffing people's breath to identify enemy combatants? How can you differentiate between the "bad-guy" and morning breath? What about the people with just bad breath?

"I swear I'm not an enemy combatant! I just have bad breath...damn that explains all the first and no second dates and why my friends sound like they have stuffed noses when they talk to me."

Researchers also looked into the use of swarms.

Scientists also reportedly considered a "sting me/attack me" chemical weapon to attract swarms of enraged wasps or angry rats towards enemy troops.

I have an idea for the military. Invent a bomb that has Old Ladies who pass out Jack Chick tracts swarm on the enemy and annoy the hell out of them.

~Phineas

It ain't over for the Karl Rove-r

2006-06-13T05:47:00.000-07:00

Yes I was hoping for Rove to be indicted. Yes, I would have danced in the streets if he was found guilty. And yes it would have been Ape McGape if Rove was sent to Federal Pound Me In the Ass prison. However, it appears that none of that will happen.

Once again a no good dirtbag gets away with their crime.

It makes me sick...you know what it isn't worth a rant right now. It isn't worth Bush's lies about firing those who leaked (no matter how rewriting of history he does), it doesn't matter that Bush's father Papa Bush said, and I'm paraphrasing, people who did what Rove did are traitors, it doesn't matter that Rove has a history of leaking to Novak.

What does matter is Rove is back to his hold tricks and he must be destroyed.

~Phineas

Trinity Broadcasting Nutjobs Pt. II

2006-06-12T19:26:00.000-07:00

This was the follow up letter from the previous one. Before you read this around 2001 I was trying to see if I could interject Ape McGape as a sort of "cool" into the language of this one website/message board. I really liked that term and don't ask me why but I may do it again. Ape McGape! Around that time I bet my students that if they could interject a new word in the University lingo the class would all get some real good extra credit. It had to be legit though. Nevertheless here is the follow up letter.

Benny Hinn Ministries

Post Office Box 162000

Irving, Texas 75016-2000

Dear Benny Hinn,

I don’t know what I was thinking about when I suggested John Hagee’s Slutty Girl Party. You see my underwear has been very restrictive lately and doesn’t let me leave my place until I’ve cleaned the oven. Well any ways I think the John Hagee Slutty Girl Party has already been done with the final episode where Paul Crouch heals John of his syphilis and his insanity and he rides off into the sunset upon a really tiny scooter, like the kind clowns ride. John Hagee rides the little scooter not Paul, it’s funnier because John is fat and Paul wears a girdle.

Well since I ripped you off with that idea I thought I’d write back and give you another idea, free of charge. It’s called “Rod Stewart Doesn’t See Me in His Bushes.” Since reality television is so hip now and all the kids are talking about it this show should go over like gangbusters, and the best part a whole years worth is already done. I have them all in my own video collection. It’s really an entertaining show with witty comments from yours truly.

In the first episode Rod is sitting around watching television drinking tea and I say stuff like. “Rod…heh heh heh…Rod….heh heh heh.” Really funny stuff like that. The kids today with their rock ‘n’ roll music will love it. The second episode doesn’t really have Rod in it as much as it has his voice. It’s mainly a scene of a telephone and my hand dialing his number and saying stuff like. “Rod…heh heh heh…Rod…heh heh heh.” Then some times I fart into the phone. I even say to him when he gets really mad. “I think you think I’m out to get you. Rod…heh heh heh.” I have three hundred and sixty five hours of this genius just sitting around in my place.

The kids will go Ape Mc Gape over it. The kids will be doing some serious sandwich eating!

Think it over my brother.

Yours truly,

~Phineas

Trinity Broadcasting Nutjobs

2006-06-12T19:20:00.000-07:00

Some years ago, oh around 2001 I began a letter writing campaign to TBN, Benny Hinn, and John "I have Herpes" Hagee. I never received a response but here is one of the letters I sent to Benny Hinn.

Benny Hinn Ministries

Post Office Box 162000

Irving, Texas 75016-2000

Dear Benny Hinn,

I understand you are going to have your own television network, The Pirate Music Network. Well do I have a show idea for you! From what I understand television is all the rage with midgets and amputees. Well I have a great idea for a show called “Disco Midget Parties!”

I believe that the little people are not being represented in the media and this show on your Pirate Music Network would bring in a large group of little people viewers. The whole show revolves around a group of midgets who are using black magic to bring back disco, which always ends in hilarious predicaments. In episode one the midgets read Harry Potter and cast a spell that makes mustaches all taste like tuna melts. Well needless to say hilarity ensues when guys and some times gals start chewing at their mustaches and hate disco even more. What an Idea! I have millions of them.

How about a show called “Not if you were the last Zombie on earth!” It’s a show about a zombie who’s just trying to get a date in a world of living women and he has a case of explosive diarrhea. Can you imagine all the hilarious things that could come from that? A zombie is pretty funny in the first place but a zombie wearing adult diapers (cross promotional!) will have people needing adult diapers themselves from laughter induced urination.

So what do you think Mr. Hinn? I know you are a man of Hinntegrity so you will give this consideration. Hey what about a show called John Hagee’s Slutty Girl Party. I’m a wealth of ideas you could use me working for your Pirate Music Network.

Yours in Christ,

~Phineas

A letter to Anthrax Coulter from Hank Rollins

2006-06-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

I know I said I'd try to stop posting youtube shit but I had to post this.

Post modern intercultural political communication

2006-06-12T07:26:00.000-07:00

As doomsayers go this guy has one of the more interesting doomsday story lines. (Because Blogger won't publish this post because the HTML wasn't excepted here is the link to the story: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-2220267_1,00.html)

ONE of Britain’s most senior military strategists has warned that western civilisation faces a threat on a par with the barbarian invasions that destroyed the Roman empire.

In an apocalyptic vision of security dangers, Rear Admiral Chris Parry said future migrations would be comparable to the Goths and Vandals while north African "barbary" pirates could be attacking yachts and beaches in the Mediterranean within 10 years.

Europe, including Britain, could be undermined by large immigrant groups with little allegiance to their host countries — a "reverse colonisation" as Parry described it. These groups would stay connected to their homelands by the internet and cheap flights. The idea of assimilation was becoming redundant, he said.

I don't know about you but an increase in pirates sounds pretty cool. I wonder if there will be an increase in ninjas with the pirate population explosion?

Now I'm no military strategist or an international political analyst so I can't tell you oh sexy readers if this will happen or not but I'm pretty sure some of it will come to pass. Now is the time to rally around the communication expert, the sexy professor's time has arrived. The fragmentation of nation state allegiance, communication and social identity mixed in with intercultural communication and politcal communication with the mass migration of populations will offer ample opportunity to research and provide activist/action/applied communication suggestion.

The article went on to say:

Parry pointed to the mass migration which disaster in the Third World could unleash. "The diaspora issue is one of my biggest current concerns," he said. "Globalisation makes assimilation seem redundant and old-fashioned . . . [the process] acts as a sort of reverse colonisation, where groups of people are self-contained, going back and forth between their countries, exploiting sophisticated networks and using instant communication on phones and the internet."

It is that very redundancy of assimilation into the nation state that makes communication so very important. No longer will the national narrative/mythos draw the people together so those countries seeing the increase of immigration must meet the newcomers with communication strategies that welcome them while allowing for autonomy. Usually in times of mass immigration xenophobic nationalistic feelings take hold of the population. Those feelings must also be met with and neutralized as much as possible. How is that done? Through careful message generation. The communication scholar can study and create such messages. This is the time of better understanding communication. I realize it I just hope those in power will, but they won't.

The article went on:

Third World instability would lick at the edges of the West as pirates attacked holidaymakers from fast boats. "At some time in the next 10 years it may not be safe to sail a yacht between Gibraltar and Malta," said the admiral.

That has nothing to do with communication. I just find it hard to sympathize with those poor yacht people who can't sail their yachts in the waters.

~Phineas

Say it four times real fast

2006-06-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

BLOGBLOGBLOGBLOG. It sounds like the clucking of a chicken. The first ever YearlyKos where bloggers move to enter the political arena. Of course it would be stupid of me to make fun of bloggers considering I'm "one" but I'm not giving up my day job. Perhaps I'm being too cynical but the power elite is too entrenched in the Washington elite and perhaps bloggers will get the attention of a select few but I don't see blogging (kinda sick of that word after watching the YearlyKos on CSPAN) having any major effect. The only different effect it will have on the political process is the raising of small sums of money, slacktivism. The eventual killing of net neutrality will halt the leveling of the playing field for blogging. The 15 blogs that get the most attention will be able to pay the Telecom mafia and the rest of us will be screwed.

~Phineas

The Future

2006-06-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure when I'm going through with this...I lost my HTML editor software so I need to find new software that is pretty good but cheap...but I am planning on launching my own website which will tackle what I talk about on this blog, other subjects. It will also have comics from a comic strip/book I've been drawing since 1996 (not sure I'd call it drawing more like putting ink on the toes of chickens getting them drunk and letting them walk around on paper) and articles written by some outside the Sexy Professors cadre.

So for all you non-entities out there who don't read this because you don't exist, when I get that baby up and running (who knows when) I'll post a link here.

~Phineas

Standing on the shoulders of 3000 dead

2006-06-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

Time to weigh in on the new Ann Coulter flap. Originally I was not going to give her time here on the Sexy Professors blog but I'm sick of her and her far right out of the mainstream apologists. Ann's argument, as usual, is full of shit because we have seen over and over that the right stand upon the shoulders of the 9/11 victims.

The worst abuser of this is of course the Bush administration. They have used and abused the 9/11 attacks and victims to foster an ugly evil atmosphere. I don' t think the RNC could have gotten any closer to the WTC crater for their 2004 convention. Bush constantly invokes 9/11 to shut critics up.

So who is really reveling in the deaths of 9/11 victims? The people who actually lost close loved ones or the people who barely knew someone or didn't know anyone in those attacks and use them to advance their political agenda?

The answer is clear.

~Phineas

...I didn't mean to answer the question with my name. I'm not the one abusing 9/11 I was just signing off all the while striking a sexy pose.

Will the sexy politics never end?

2006-06-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

When you live in a place called Licking you should be suspect for living the Swinger Lifestyle.

Anderson alleges that one of his former employees, Monica Daniel, and a worker in the associate circuit court, Mildred Williams, disseminated false information about him and "conspired with each other to use their public offices to coordinate and orchestrate a 'swinger' style sex ring out the Texas County prosecutor's office and the Texas County associate court office..."

What a great story it has everything you want for a super sexy scandal (I just coined that term like I coined Another Sexy Situation). The SSS has chicks, politicians, sex, and swinger "style" sex rings. What more could you ask for?

~Phineas

State of Sexiness

2006-06-09T16:28:00.000-07:00

Hello all you sexy wannabes (all uhhh let me see I think we have 0 readers) it's me Phineas again. I'm going to start this off with an apology. I realize I've been pretty damn lazy with posting anything of interest on this here sexy blog. Excuse me while I adjust my ascot and reload my pipe. That's better...back to my apology. I have been lazy with posting here. If I'm posting I'm just posting links to videos and letting the videos do the talking for me. This is way too common for us as Americans. We view creativity as something others have and let them use their creative abilities to tell us our stories. We are all creative beings that have the capabilities to discern and create our own stories, we don't need Hollywood to build our cultural mythos. We don't need Madison Avenue to build our cultural mythos either. We certainly don't need fackin' politicians to tell us and create our mythos. We can do it ourselves and for not helping along that process I apologize. Now this does not mean you should stop reading this here blog because you are going out to do your own thing. This means...uhhh...this means...Ok this means just keep reading this here thing-a-ma-jig.

On another note Drunk Cyclist linked to us again. If you recall one of the Sexy Professors wrote a rhetorical analysis of Drunk Cyclist (by the way Good to see one of the other Sexy Professors posting here...Prescott good show old bean) and he sent that paper to over to Drunk Cyclist and twice we have been linked to that web site. So in return I link to Drunk Cyclist but it has also inspired me to write a paper in order to get some attention from a certain someone...Estelle Getty. If you follow that link provided you will see Estelle's "hit counter" and see that it is rolling and rolling and rolling. This gives the McDonalds impression over a billion served...not that way perverts!

When you go into the website you get all sorts of swell information and kudos from Estelle Fans. This is one of my favorites.

Name:	Frank Gilbert
Location:	Fairborn, Ohio
Comments:	Golden Girls is a show that my wife watches every day without fail. And of course, Sophia is her favorite. I walk in for lunch and she has to tell me all about what I missed .... even though we've both probably seen it several times. Like someone else once said Estelle, "Thanks for the memories". May your health be as good as it can be and know that many peoples prayers are always with you. Most Sincerely, Frank Gilbert

Sounds like Ole Frank has a rockin' good time at his pad.

What baffles me is no one thanked her for being a friend.

Well that's it for now sexy gang. I'll try to post more often and get to work on the Sexy Professors show but I don't know. I've been crazy busy.

Oh yeah before we go see how your President reacted to Brownie doing a heck of a job.

Until then Keep it Sexy!

In an interview on the Situation Room, Former FEMA director Michael Brown discussed this e-mail he provided CNN that alleges candid comments from President Bush in a Cabinet meeting in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. Brown, through his attorney, provided this e-mail on the condition that CNN redact the name, not revealing the identity of the author.

~Phineas